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Subscribe to RSSGiving someone the silent treatment may not always be such a bad thing. It may actually be a good way to deal with someone who is acting like a jerk, a new study finds.
The research reveals there are benefits to cutting off conversation with a person who is being obnoxious: It's not as draining on your mental resources, you avoid conflict with someone offensive, and it's much simpler than getting into a heated discussion.
That's because the silent treatment can speak volumes, even when someone is not saying a word or limiting their conversation to short or one-syllable responses.
From a psychological standpoint, this brush-off technique is largely viewed in a negative light. It's considered a manipulative way to communicate dissatisfaction and a passive form of rejection.
But this new research has identified at least some situations when silence might be golden: When people are strongly motivated to avoid social interaction with an undesirable person, giving the silent treatment may be as easy -- if not easier -- than a conversation.
The silent treatment is not always motivated by an intent to harm another person or punish their behavior, said study author Kristin Sommer, Ph.D, an associate professor of psychology at Baruch College, City University of New York. "It may be used as a way to offset feelings of fatigue or depletion associated with the expectation of an unpleasant interaction," she explained.
For this new study, published online in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, the researchers ran two different experiments involving 118 college students. In each study, they asked participants to either talk with or ignore another individual, who was in on the experiment and told to act in a highly likeable -- meaning polite, relaxed, and friendly -- or a highly unlikeable manner -- someone rude, prejudicial, and arrogant.
After four minutes with the "nice guy" or "jerk," study participants had to complete a task that involved thought and self-control.
Researchers found that participants who ignored an unlikable person or talked with someone likable did better on the task than those who were forced to converse with a jerk or snub a nice guy. Rebuffing a likable person and exchanging pleasantries with someone obnoxious both took a toll. It left participants feeling depleted and their performance suffered as a result.
"Our findings suggest that the silent treatment may be used as a strategy for conserving mental resources that would otherwise be exhausted by interacting with someone who is inherently aversive to be around," said Sommer.
These findings do not mean that you can now feel justified every time you give a cold shoulder to a spouse, family member, or best friend. The study only looked into its use as a short-term snub in a non-close relationship.
There is a greater potential for risks when using the silent treatment in close relationships.
"The use of the silent treatment may have save energy-saving benefits," Sommer explained, "but these benefits may come at a long-term cost to a relationship."
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Leave a Comment:
" ". <--- The textual version of the silent treatment...
Or you could just not respond at all.
I agree. "Don't feed the troll" - necessary words/actions to avoid confrontation on the interwebs! Works everytime. If you ignore them, they WILL go away.
I ignore most of the lies coming out of the administration these days and still don't feel much better.
I wonder if this would work on Obama...
it might, if over 50% of the voters hadnt reelected him as our president. Now get used to it
...not as long as he and his drones won't shut up.
It's odd that Obama was reelected and we should just 'get used to it', but Bush was reelected and the Gore battallions never stopped whining about it.
I guess only 1 side believes in fairness...the other side believes in calling people names (yes, dems...I'm talking about you) all.
Not so far...... <Grin>
Normally, I'd take the suggestion of this article and remain silent.
I guess Scalia telling the citizens of the US to 'get over' Bush v. Gore doesn't count in your narrow view?
' At the end of the speech, Scalia took questions from the audience. One person asked about the Bush-Gore case, where the Supreme Court had to determine the winner of the election.'
'"Get over it," Scalia said of the controversy surrounding it, to laughter from the audience."'
That would be true if those 50% plus votes came from voters that had a clue about what's happening! Unfortunately most of them have no clue, just a need for gov't benefits from a gov't that can't afford to pay those free gifts!
Maybe because Gore actually won and the Florida GOP stole it away?
No, two statewide counts proved Bush actually won it, and the Supreme Court wouldn't let Gore steal it by counting just four democratic counties he won by a landslide and then trying to count votes that were thrown out by the laws on election day...all under the guise of "counting all the votes."
Hooray for passive aggression. lol
Wished I thought of this several years ago when an obnoxious, annoying, aggravating manager would come into my office and torment me with his vitriol. (Fortunately not my boss.) I would always get suckered into his conversations. I did however get even, when one day he said he was going to have a colonoscopy and was wondering if he could start his cleansing medications before he left for home (on the train). I said that should work. I kind of felt sorry for the train employees.
Sounded like he got what he deserved. :D
I wonder if they found his head during the colonoscopy?
LOL
This is a very bad idea. For example, If you ignore the TEA GARBAGE/REPUBLICANS they will take over and you will be known as a serf, the same as our people were called before 1776.
...that's right.....nobody has mentioned the fact that silence is often interpretted as acceptance. perhaps a combo of tactics: be honest and tell them up front to STFU and then ignore them and wait for them to go away.
Dont believe the lies you here from your communist overlord Just Me, Conservatives just want to people to carry their own weight. Shocking concept I know right!
Socialists like to legislate stuff like soda ban, how bout a ban on loafers getting gubmint checks?
And by loafers I mean the 400 mile long line of people with their hands out Obama is putting checks in.
By "carry their own weight" were you referring to the millionaire-billionaire business crowd who rape our natural resources and our economy, but don't pay anything back in taxes? Were you referring to the Haliburton types who financially benefit from our wars, but don't take any of the risks?
I'll bet you can't name one of those "400 mile long line of people".
Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level, and beat you due to more experience.
Good advice, but my wife just keeps talking
LOL, You are in trouble. <Smile>
The SILENT TREATMENT is also appropriate when you have tried conversation first and either get NO Answers, LIES, or EVASION.
TALKING in that case doesn't work.
Only when you stop talking to the UNCOOPERATIVE Person, and take that CONTROL out of their hands, do they seems to have to confront what they don't want to confront.
It's either be willing to cooperate some for a common good, or we are done talking.
Good Advice, but if the Jerk is as Big of an Idiot as Obama, it doesn't work. He is like a Vulture at a Picnic.
Crazy how some people have to drag Obama into every conversation. Bet everyone avoids talking to them!
Why no, Martha!
They only avoid talking to you
You don't give a jerk the silent treatment, you give them a taste of their own medicine.
Oh the ignorance of the 47%! God help us!
You must be talking about the 47% that voted for Romney. They are fairly ignorant.
This should not be news. The Amish have practiced this for at least a century when it "shunned" errant members of their sect. It's effectiveness is mitigated, however, by the degree to which the jerk can find another audience.
Yes,what the world needs more of is less communication.I'm being sarcastic.The silent treatment is a childish way to react to another person who you feel is being a jerk.Maybe they are not being a jerk because they are responding to you for being a jerk and that's why you feel that they are being obnoxious.
"From a psychological standpoint, this brush-off technique is largely viewed in a negative light."
I totally agree with these psychologists, and suggest these two things:
1. This ridiculous advice from Cari Nierenberg is an adult version of children who refuse to deal with life's problems with which we all are confronted - it is a mater of maturity to address that with which we are confronted, and
2. It might very well be that jerks, being ignored by everyone around them, is part of the reason for the violence and mass murders that some resort to in order to be heard...
To quote my "instructors" in SERE-school, "Silence is arrogance."
"(________) (_____) (______)!!!" *)#&%_#)&@!)&
Most jerks (especially obnoxious jerks) are just craving attention. The 'silent treatment' denies them that reward, and even potentially corrects their misguided behavior, too. - RC
You also have to kinda judge how they'll react to you ignoring them. Most jerks will just become indignant, and move on to someone else. However, a few will become more aggressive, or even violent.
Sometimes, you just have to come right out and say, "I'm not in the mood to talk to you right now." sure, they may become a grouch with you, but at least you acknowledged them and let them know they can't just walk all over you.
In fact I am dealing with that type of problem. I have a friend that I like and enjoy his company but, his political views are extreme. He seems to be in a flat earth world and hanging well over the edge. Some time ago I decided to just stop being baited. He picked up on my non response and braced me on it. My reply was that I had nothing to add or say. Seems to have worked for both of us, he still sends me these links to outer space and i continue to ignore them unless there is something that grazes the earths atmosphere and I do have a valid response.