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Subscribe to RSSHe's the man you fall asleep beside every night, and the first person you see every single morning. So why isn't your husband making a cameo in your actual dreams? And why, when he does show up, are you both dressed in elf costumes and bickering about adopting a cat?
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Chances are, there's an explanation for these nighttime curiosities--and understanding what dreams mean might actually make your relationship healthier. "The subconscious is going to produce whatever dream it feels is appropriate at the time," says Cindy Nodland, PhD, a Denver-based dream therapist. "If there's something we need to know or understand, we'll dream about it."
Typically, our significant others play a considerable role in dreams: A new study out of Germany estimates that romantic partners are present in at least 20 percent of nocturnal imaginings. But it isn't because we spend so much time with them during the day. Rather, Nodland explains, our dreams often represent unresolved problems and feelings--and we tend to have a lot of both where our relationship is concerned.
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To better understand your own dreams, Nodland recommends keeping a dream journal--preferably next to your bed--and taking note of a dream's key players, settings, events, and any associated feelings. "The most important piece is the feeling you have in the dream," she says. "Are you sad? Frightened? Jealous? That will often give you the biggest clue about what the message of the dream is."
Curious about what your latest head-trip is trying to tell you? We asked Nodland to decode five of the most common relationship-oriented dreams.
If you were cheating on him. "This could indicate that your husband or boyfriend isn't meeting all of your needs," Nodland says. "An affair in a dream could indicate a desire for more passion in the waking relationship."
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If you're having dinner together. "Eating together is a very good dream," Nodland says. "It can actually represent the sexual relationship. Food, after all, is a nurturing and fulfilling component of our lives, and "sitting down and sharing a meal is a very intimate thing to do." But if you're having recurring dreams about repetitive meals, "again and again at Taco Bell," ask yourself whether those bedroom exploits are getting stale.
If someone else is in his place. Let's say you're dressed in that elf costume, bickering with your husband in dreamland...except your "husband" appears to be your high school boyfriend. Huh? "You could still be dreaming about your current relationship," Nodland says. "It means your current situation relates somehow to that guy from the past." Interpret the dream by mulling what the two of them have in common.
If he died in your dreams. This nightmarish scenario shouldn't be taken literally, Nodland says. "This could actually be a fear of abandonment. Generally, if we dream someone dies, it is symbolic of some kind of other death. It could mean the relationship is dying, not the person."
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"both dressed in elf costumes and bickering about adopting a cat?"
if you want to accurately describe strange dreams, it would be more like dressed in salami, bickering about adopting ancient Pharoah Seti the First's kidney stones.
or at least thats more like mine.
OMG your stupid funny! And wake up yelling its my turn on the pony!
The contention that dreams are comprised of "something we need to know or understand" is an untrue statement. Yes, in some cases there are issues in one's life that will appear in dreams, but that is nowhere near a frequent or consistent cause.
1) The biggest influence in dreams, including dreams that happen while one is having "issues" is what you were thinking about in close proximity to when you fell asleep. Fairly frequently you will be thinking about your spouse or an issue that is troubling you, and that is the reason these two things pop up a lot. But that doesn't mean that either is something we need to know or understand. It is just waking thoughts blending into dreaming thoughts.
2) Mostly, dreams are the brain's trash that are being sorted through as short term memories are moved to long term locations in the brain. It's like a spring cleaning every night that leaves all the odds and ends at the curb waiting for the trash collection.
3) It is very easy to dream while awake (called lucid dreaming) and to control your dreams. Lots of stuff on the web about how to do so. So, if the brain is trying to tell you something important, you are also much more able to tell your brain what to dream about.
4) The pure Freudian viewpoint that EVERY dream has a profound meaning may have flown in the late 1800's, but is considered quaint and old-fashiuoned these days. It appears that the author still believes it is current theory.
I rearely dream about my wife, my dreams are in technicolor and are usually very entertaining. I dream every night like that.
Same here. My wife is almost never a theme in my dreams. I have a nightmare involving my child more often than I have a dream involving my wife. You know you are a parent when you have a nightmare about your child and in the process of waking up you are already leaping out of bed and into the hallway before your feet hit the ground and you realize it was only a dream. Even then, you still go to your child's room and check on them just to make sure they are sleeping well before you then prowl the house to make sure all doors are locked and windows closed.
All I know is that I hope the dream I was having when I woke up this morning can continue for real tonight. And yes it involved my wife.
I used see my (EX) wife in my dream like one of those victoria secret commercials, wings and all..........Then I woke up and was confronted with ........national geographic the running of the wildebeast............. I know, Im a bad person!
Who do you dream about if you are unwillingly single over 98% of your life? Unfortunately, don't have any girlfriends or wife to dream about.... LIFE REALLY SUCKS! 43 yrs old and obviously will be avoided, judged ( that I'm too ugly, too short and not the muscular build) she wants for the rest of my life. So, looks as close to dreaming about anyone is in my day dreams about the kind of person I wish would flirt with me... ;(
Maybe you should set your sights on women that are not supermodels. There are tons of women looking for Mr. Right, but they may not all be the prettiest, skinniest, and have perfect figures (sound kind of familiar?).
I love the way everyone assumes that I only look for a "supermodel" when they read or hear about my lifetime of being unwillingly single. I can't even get a female that's slightly attractive, MUCH LESS A SUPERMODEL... The only females that find me attractive, or think I am desperate enough by now, are the obesely fat 300lb females. Although I flirt with the very beautiful women, I know that I don't have even a slim chance of them even being slightly interested in me, even if I was one out of just 20 men left on this earth. But, it would be nice to have at least someone that I find at the very least even slightly attractive to want to be with me. When I say that I have been unwillingly single all my life, don't assume that I am holding on till I find a "SUPERMODEL"... You don't know me, don't assume and don't judge me, till you have gotten to really know me...
I had to go through elementary, grade and high school where all those years all females avoided and rejected me. No one would be my friend. In gym class, when the teams choose who they want, and my twin brother and myself are the last two, and each team argues because neither want either of us. Never had a girlfriend in High School, could not find anyone nice enough to go out on a date with me, till I was 25 years old.. At the end of that date, she told me she had a boyfriend. When I worked at a manufacturing facility in Athens, TN for over 17 years, all females would go out of their way so they would not have to talk to me. They would talk to the guys next to me for a while, then leave without even saying hi to me, or anything... FOR OVER SEENTEEN YEARS!! When I was 35 years old, I was so tired of being single and alone, so I lowered my standards, dated someone way too young, very immature, bossy, vindictive and fat... That was the biggest mistake I could have ever made. Back to being unwillingly single and lonely where all females go out of thir way to avoid, reject me before they even talk to me.
Interesting!! I dream a lot about a this girl I knew in high school. She was more like my dream Girl. But, she 's married now. (faceplam)
Most people in this world don't have to lower their standards to find love or find a date..... Then why should I have to? I have lowered my standards, now have a ex-wife that was Bossy, Vindictive, Hateful, did not want to work, Wanted to buy $300 of clothes each week and not pay the bills to help keep a roof over our heads, and was 200 lbs with a huge butt eight times the size of my rear end. Who wanted to wear nothing but things around the house that her behind had more craters than what the moon has.