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Subscribe to RSSWhen looking for love, dating books and well-meaning friends may advise guys and gals to play hard-to-get. And now pretending not to be interested in a potential partner to increase your desirability is gaining some scientific support: A new study suggests that if you want a serious relationship, it pays for men and women to be hard-to-get.
According to the research, one potential benefit of playing hard-to-get is attracting a higher-quality mate with the greatest level of commitment for a long-term relationship.
In the study, published in the European Journal of Personality, psychology researchers ran four different experiments to determine how and why people play hard-to-get and if or when it works in attracting a mate.
In one test, they identified the ways people play hard-to-get and how often men and women use them. From a list of 58 strategies, nearly 500 American college students rated 'acting confident' and 'talking to others' as the two most commonly used methods of playing hard-to-get.
But there were slight differences in strategies between the sexes. When gals acted coy they tended 'not to call,' 'not to talk a lot,' and 'to stay busy,' more than guys did.
When guys wanted to appear less available, they used only three methods more than gals did including 'acting snooty or rude,' 'saying all the right things but not calling,' and 'treating others like s#@t.'
Not surprisingly to anyone who's been single, researchers found that women played hard-to-get more often than men did.
"Women derive more benefit from playing hard-to-get because it allows them to test men out and increase the demand men place on them," says study author Peter Jonason, PhD, an assistant professor of psychology at the University of Western Sydney in Australia.
"Because women have greater value in the biological mating market, they can afford to play hard-to-get more than men can," he explains. "Men who are too hard-to-get may miss out on a mating opportunity."
A second experiment of nearly 300 U.S. college students identified the top two reasons for playing hard-to-get were to increase demand (to make a romantic partner want someone more) and to test a partner's willingness to commit (to gauge interest and keep up a mate's pursuit).
The study also found that for a committed romantic relationship, women preferred a man who was medium in availability (not too easy or too hard-to-get) while guys preferred a gal with low availability (harder to get).
For a hookup, the results suggest a different story: If you're a women looking for casual sex, it does not pay to be hard to get. But if you're a man looking for a casual fling, it pays to be impossible to get, says Jonason.
And when it came to spending money and time on a potential romantic partner, 425 college students revealed that the less available a person is, the more a prospective mate is willing to invest time and money in him or her.
The researchers admit that since their study only looked at college students their results may not apply to other age groups of single people. But their findings indicate some of the games people play when dating.
"We all would want honesty in dating but this is never going to happen," says Jonason. "We are not overtly lying, but we're always trying to marry up."
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I wrote off a potential suitor because he was too hard to get, not 25 years later he tells me I was the love of his life. I am married and it is ashame because I felt he was not interested. Life could have been very different for both of us, had one of us had the guts to tell the truth about our feelings. Don't "play" with your future.
Sandy -- he must've been an Aries. Am I right?
yeah sandy but if you had done that than you'd never have met and committed to your husband who is the love of your life so it's a good thing and there's probably a reason that you didn't go for that other idiot-romantic buffoon. I hoppe that he remains single for the rest of his life for hitting on a married woman and lives miserable regrett-fileld existence since he is an immoral scumbag anyway.
Playing hard-to-get raises expectations of the value of the "prize," though, so once you let them land you, you'd better live up to those expectations (and consistently so), or it will be very short-lived.
And, LitterHater, I gather from Sandy's comments that her husband isn't exactly the love of her life, and that she regrets being with him rather than the old flame. I mean, she even wrote that it's a shame that she's married to whom she is.
Playing Hard to get might be good in the long run. If you are set on the type of partner you want don't settle for another. If people were fussier about who they marry/commit to, perhaps there would be less divorce and less problems in the world today.
How many shrinks get on the stand to tell us about the criminals horrible childhood because his parents were divorced or fought all the time?
Things to think about.
And Litterhater, I agree with LJ Rhoades. It sound more like Sandy is regretting she and her former love didn't get serious. It doesn't seem like she married the love of her life.
"Playing" anything isn't a good idea. If you aren't going to be who you are when you meet someone, then don't bother. Otherwise, they will be falling for someone who doesn't really exist - sooner or later your true colors will show.
You dont have to play hard to get in order to be picky about who you settle down with. You can be "available" to them but keep an open mind about what you see... drop them if any "dealbreakers" reveal themselves or if you just dont think they make you happy.
Parents fighting all the time is a completely different than just parents who are divorced. I know people who wish their parents would just divorce so that all the drama would end.
As for Sandy, if she actually dated the guy chances are that it wouldnt have worked out anyway. It is easy to assume the path not taken was the best.
"Playing" hard to get doesn't mean you are presenting your false self to someone. It just means that you aren't putting yourself at their beck and call and catering to their every need in life at the beginning of a relationship. I personally like it when someone has their own life. We don't need to be stuck at the hip all the time and certainly not before we're both certain we're both in the relationship at the same level emotionally. Sure, there's a little game playing to it, but it doesn't have to be disingenuous. You don't want to seem too eager...worked for me. Both my husband and I entered our relationship very cautiously. We knew each other a year before we even started dating, even though I had a crush on him the whole time. we've now been married for 9 years and have 2 adorable kiddos.
Sandy - 858998 ; What you said is true but in our culture......Filipinos.....hard to get had been in practice by so many women. I for one happen to me three times. The three women are still my friends and we are still in good term....no sex relation...all three admitted .... I am the love of their life....even to this date if I have to really succumb to lust; I could still have sexual relation with this women outside of my marriage. All women are professionals...a teacher, a Nurse and a chemical Engineer... I am also a professional married to a pharmacist....I am now married over 36 years with 4 kids and our marriage is still going strong.
Before in my time ....I am now 62 years old......virginity is a price possession....I even preach it to my daughter.....because in my time; it increases women value and respect ....that is in our culture....but now a days, Filipino women had change, but believe it or not there are more separated husband and wife now ....children and women are the one that suffers. Filipino culture has no divorce.
Now going back to my old flame, I did not regret my life now for reason of medical genetic in short. One of the woman that plays hard to get has diabetes history in the family....now I am also diabetic....by gene the chances of my kids having diabetes is very high. The other woman is short but beautiful less than only 4'11". (BTW all women are beautiful)
I am also short only 5.3"....if I married this short girl my chances of having short kids is very high too. The nurse had a bad marriage it turn out... the last time I meet with her she wants to play and had a relation with me outside marriage but I refuse.
Now my marriage.....my wife is taller than I and my children are taller too. My kids turn out to be good, one is a pharmacist (29 yrs. old I guess I am not sure still a virgin, now engage to be married 2013.). My oldest is Nurse, my boy is finishing dentistry and my youngest is now taking physical therapy.
My wife is now 62 and she just retire last Aug...she is still beautiful at her age, looks only around 50 years old. I am too.....62 years old and I regularly ride bike (more than 100 mils per weeks). I am still working and also look younger than my ages, planing to retire soon to enjoy life.
Blessed your heart......believe it or not ....I believe that women/men will have more value and respect if at some point be decent and have more moral values to not engage in sex before marriage... if women/men are easy to get....chances in marriage...in practice they will also easy to divorce.... because they are available any time .....dime a dozen.
#11 - Thu Dec 20, 2012 11:27 AM EST
rqavens fan people can change thigns about themselves if they know that those traits that they currently lack and wish to attain are what their interest finda ttaractive in a man/woman and sometimes games ar necessary in order to figure out what's needed and craft those capabilities so don't dismiss the importance of games so quickly like that.
I COMPETELY agree!!! But there is that part of playing hard to get that is unfortunately true & I speak as you do from experience. But again during that part of the "Game" I do or did play the "Not really interested or hard to get" cuz thats just the way it is. And would probably still do it if I were to be single in the future!! Not good but again, thats the way it is, unfortunately.
I hope tax dollars weren't spent on this news flash of the millenia
The worst thing that a man can do is propose to a woman on the first date. Seriously, I've had that happen a couple of times, and it scared the bejeezus out of me.
rkaralius
I've also had that first date proposal and yes, it scared the heck out of me as well! This man actually "created" a home repair for me in hopes that I would call him to fix it. I called the police instead.
How about just being honest? Works for me! I hate games and will not date someone who plays them.
lavrn you're an idiot, if everyone was honest than the 57% of people who cheat on their significant others would have to admit to it and then all of those lives would be ruined and there would probably be no such thing as marriage and the courts would get over-loaded with civorce-cases that we as a country can not afford to deal with right now so either start playing gammes or don't date ever because no one would want you anyway.
Honesty is fine after a few dates, but for guys and gals who have been friends for awhile.. honesty will just bite you in the ass. More than likely, if you come out and say you have feelings for someone after having been friends with them for awhile, they will turn you down because they "don't want to jeopardize the friendship".
The trick is to go out, socialize, both get drunk one night, and hook up! You'd be surprised how many times this can go from "just friends" to "exclusive relationship".
oh look now the alcohol-industry spokeman has also shown up to peddle his morality-corrupting product on young single people who are most vulnerable to his lies. If you do make the mistaker of your life and give in to his message though just know that you and your drunkard-spouse will live a short and miserable life together full of emotional and physical abuse, stealing, damage to property /vandalism, and multiple trips in and out of the county jail before you both die of liver or kidney failure at the age of 28 or 29. So yeah go ahead and "go out, get drunk, and hook up" to create the basis for a realtiosnhip but just know where this will ultimately lead the both of you romatnic fools.
LitterHater, I rather be divorced than with someone who isnt honest. Remember that 43% of us have nothing to lie about. If half of marriages end in divorce, then 57% of them ending is not much of a difference, is it?
There is a reason you should be picky about who you marry, I would rather be with someone like lavrn than litterhatter any day. Litterhater, there are plenty of us who find someone we can be ourselves with, be completely honest with, and spend the rest of our lives with. I am getting married in April to one such person :)
(yes, R.M. we were friends before we started dating)
Litterhater, perhaps if more people were honest before and AFTER they marry there would be fewer divorces in this world.
well aa I honestly wish you the best and hope that you've invesitgated this person's background enough before deciding to commit the rest of your life to them but most people find that there are lying, cheating, and otherwise undesireable aspects of potential spouses that would cause them personal harm in the long-run and so can't commit like that even after having spent a significant amount of time with that person before discovering out the truth. and now they come out of that relationship four years older with less ofa biological time-period to find someone who won't hurt them and now they've got emtional baggage and maybe stds from thier ex who was sleeping around with the whole firehouse or wahtever behind her back and then what's she suppossed to do? If honesty were as prevelant as you think it is then everyone would be married but the fact is that marriage rates are dropping and so is transparancy as seen through the obama administration and his lackies.
janine it's the spouses fault most of the time their significant other cheats on them anyway, myabe if people had stronger values and didn't make such life-changing impulse decisions like marriage without invesitagating the person that they want to be with fully then not so many people would need to divorce and ruin their lives. i agree that there are ways to lessen divorce rates but then how would princess get her fahther to try her a lavish wedding becuase in truth she's an emotional-trainwreck troll that no honest guy would want to be with anyway which is why they end up cheating later probbably.
I'm not sure how being hard to get makes one a dishonest person...
ermstr you've obiovulsy never been in a serious relationhsip then because all of the paranoia and thniking that you're being lied to all of the time usually turns out to havea lot of truth to it that's why our suspiciou8s-feelings are natural and you should use them to cast-aside potnetnailly emotionally-harmful mates/spouses or else you may end up getting very hurt.
Litterhater, I am sorry that it sounds like you have been hurt in the past. I hope for your own sake, you learn to trust people again. You cannot be in a healthy marriage without trust. I competely trust my fiance, and he completely trusts me. If you are not honest, then eventually your spouse will catch you and there will be a breach in that trust. Once you loose that trust, then you are much closer to a divorce.
As for "investigating his background", I have been living with him for the last four years. We do everything together and know pretty much everything about eachother at this point. We never play games, and only mean what we say (If I say "I dont mind if you see a movie without me", I mean it!) We know the smell of eachothers farts. We love to just sit around and do nothing together. We make eachother truely happy by just being ourselves. I wish every couple could be as happy.
I agree that people should not rush into marriage. However, Your entire premise that you do not know about the person you are marrying is based upon the lack of honesty which is the very thing you are promoting!
aa I peronsally find that the commercialization of the idea of love has created the rush into marriage and false-hope that your spouse isn't lying to you and all of that but I also believe that chanign your personality a little bit on the outside to suite the person you want to be with is fine- it just shows taht you care so muchthat you'd even try to make such a huge and involveed change like that for them. But the fact is that people are weak and will make feeble decisions like to cheat and lie and all of that when it suits their feelings at the time and that's why in the pool of potential spouses 90% or so of them will always be unsuitable but that's usually the group that someone will end up getting hitched with and that's just inevitable because of the maths involved. and also it's impossible to know what each other's gas-releeases smell like all of the time because that will fluctuate with diet unless you eat the same exact things in the same exact orders everyday and if so then you are horrible unadentuerous and should really experiment some more.
My fiance was a drunken one night stand when I was 24 that turned into a 6 year relationship. Who knew! These have been the best 6 years of my life too!
As long as you use protection, I guess. The last thing you want is to end up pregnant from a one-night stand. Lots of friends regret getting drunk and having sex with their friend, and it can end the friendship, so it is best to be open to that possibility if you do decide to go this route.
Hmm... I had the most fun with the easy girls...
stop being a soulless womanizer and treat people with respect like you're supposed to do as a member of society you barbarrian.
I treated them with all sorts of respect. Never treated them worse than those stuck up 'i'm too good for you types, that's for sure. I do not respect manipulative women.
I am a soulful womanizer, mind you!
Too much deception, too many games: Not enough downright honesty and crawling between the sheets together. Let's just cut all the dramatic crap and get it on!
Amen!
I'm very particular about who I crawl under the sheets with, and if that makes me Hard to Get, GOOD. I AM hard to get. I like it that way.
People spend so much of their lives settling for what they can get, rather than working towards what they want. Then they wonder why they aren't happy.
Took me a long time to find a man with the integrity and honesty of my husband. He was worth the wait.
No Janine, it just means you found somebody willing to put up with your style of crap. Everybody brings their own crap into any relationship.
Sometimes playing hard to get means someone's too complicated and spends too much time thinking only about what they want and how to manipulate others to get it. And, some guys (and gals) fall for it.
Yep. A "hard-to-get" woman is shopping for somebody who will support her in the manner in which she would like to be accustomed. Once she has landed the one that comes closest to her goals, her goals then become revised, and she continues shopping even after she is married. And her husband then becomes, in her mind, a low-lifer that she eventually replaces with some poor turkey she believes is a step up the social ladder.
I hate games and will not date someone who plays them.
Even strip poker?
I play hard-to-get, but not on purpose because I lack the social skills to attract people of the opposite sex.
This is apparently true for me also. I don't intentionally send "subtle hints" so I am usually completely oblivious to them. If you play hard to get with me, I will take it that you aren't interested. Maybe that is why I am single at 57 and will likely remain so for the rest of my life. I have found fulfillment in my work (public safety) and keep myself quite busy. It sure is a whole lot easier that way. It is hard to play games when you don't understand the rules! Take care, everyone, and have a great Christmas and a wonderful New Year!!
The people that know me say I'm a nice guy, honest, and generous... too bad I LOOK like a serial killer.
My husband was the same way; he never got the subtle hints. When we met, I wasnt playing hard to get because I actually didnt like him at all and was uninterested. The women in his life were not dropping subtle hints, they were down right bold. Except me, and he had a hard time believing I wasnt falling all over him....I became his challenge. 7 years later, it's only getting better!
One thing I did learn is that he respected me from the beginning, and that prompted him to want to get to know me.
The author of this story grew up in the, "Once upon a time...." era. I had to put boots on to finish reading this fairy tale. I would put NO effort in a relationship of someone playing hard to get. If they are not interested in me why exert effort. Don't let someone become a priority in your life, when you are just an option in their life. The author is living in la la land.
sheesh u peeps amaze me....what the author is saying is to not always be so readily available.....have your OWN interests and LIFE outside of dating.....who wants a person with NO life and no outside interests or hobbies..only a loser wants someone like that....sorry but it's true....
a lot of sexist people don't want their spouses to have any interests other than them and since that segment of people makes up a lot of the overall population I'm sure that this message is really hitting home with that demographic.
I didn't really get that from the article, especially when some of the tactics used (mostly by guys) are "being snotty and rude, saying the right things but not calling, and treating people like sh!t"...and these are apparently deliberate behaviors. That sounds more like "hard to want" than "hard to get". It also sounds immature in the extreme. I've found that the best way to win someone's heart is to be nice to them and make them feel good about themselves, and be honest about it.
I don't understand how having your own life is playing hard to get. Playing hard to get is more deliberate.
mayeb if you weren't tripping out of your mind off of your alcoholic-binges all the time you'd be more able to appeal to women who as a general rule hate irresponsbile males like you.
Actually, this makes a lot of sense. People always have more value for something they had to work to attain; when it's just handed to them, they value it about as much as the paper cup that comes with their happy meal.
When you get involved with another human being, it's probably wisest to hold out for the one who can, and will, hang with the big dogs, especially if you're thinking of bringing children into the equation at some point.
Hi Elizabeth....remember plenty of women/men.....the bottom line don't want to take responsibilities to take care of the family because by most account most of this people easy to get easy to divorce could hardly by themselves support their own life existent .....all they want is sex not the responsibility a commitment for a good marriage and a good family......easy to get, easy to trash...easy to replace...you value more of anything that you work for...... easy come easy go....why not !!!!!I value more my life that I have to work for in life.
Sandy - 858998 ; What you said is true but in our culture......Filipinos.....hard to get had been in practice by so many women. I for one happen to me three times. The three women are still my friends and we are still in good term....no sex relation...all three admitted .... I am the love of their life....even to this date if I have to really succumb to lust; I could still have sexual relation with this women outside of my marriage. All women are professionals...a teacher, a Nurse and a chemical Engineer... I am also a professional married to a pharmacist....I am now married over 36 years with 4 kids and our marriage is still going strong.
Before in my time ....I am now 62 years old......virginity is a price possession....I even preach it to my daughter.....because in my time; it increases women value and respect ....that is in our culture....but now a days, Filipino women had change, but believe it or not there are more separated husband and wife now ....children and women are the one that suffers. Filipino culture has no divorce.
Now going back to my old flame, I did not regret my life now for reason of medical genetic in short. One of the woman that plays hard to get has diabetes history in the family....now I am also diabetic....by gene the chances of my kids having diabetes is very high. The other woman is short but beautiful less than only 4'11". (BTW all women are beautiful)
I am also short only 5.3"....if I married this short girl my chances of having short kids is very high too. The nurse had a bad marriage it turn out... the last time I meet with her she wants to play and had a relation with me outside marriage but I refuse.
Now my marriage.....my wife is taller than I and my children are taller too. My kids turn out to be good, one is a pharmacist (29 yrs. old I guess I am not sure still a virgin, now engage to be married 2013.). My oldest is Nurse, my boy is finishing dentistry and my youngest is now taking physical therapy.
My wife is now 62 and she just retire last Aug...she is still beautiful at her age, looks only around 50 years old. I am too.....62 years old and I regularly ride bike (more than 100 mils per weeks). I am still working and also look younger than my ages, planing to retire soon to enjoy life.
Blessed your heart......believe it or not ....I believe that women/men will have more value and respect if at some point be decent and have more moral values to not engage in sex before marriage... if women/men are easy to get....chances in marriage...in practice they will also easy to divorce.... because they are available any time .....dime a dozen.
so you think arrainged marriages would be better then? I think that's been disproven as a theory of how to breed the happiest marraiges a long time ago pal but keeptrying to peddle that sexist crap if it really makes you feel good about yourself.
Its all biology. I don't get people who don't think we are animals.
We're all squirrels.
you bassically just said "we always act on our genetically-engrained animal-instincts… I don't understand why people think that we're animals" which makes literally no sense, which one did you really mean to say because they have two very different and troubling implications.
Mary - you nailed it!
Another lesson for guys, it pays to not be a gentleman all the time. Sometimes you have to be a jerk.
It does work for some women, I could never understand those women.
Yes, it works for women. The b!tches have guys crawling all over them, and the nice ones are treated like crap and walked all over. Seems most people are masochists if they like being with mean and psychologically abusive types. Nice guys (and girls) do sometimes finish last.
@ Hot-in-Miami, bitches might make fine fantasies but they also make horrific mates. Some men will crawl all over the bitches until they conquer the current challenge, then they move along to the next bitch who presents the same challenge. If all you want to do is hook up, then you do crawl all over the bitches and save the nice girls for when you get serious. The bitches and those who chase them deserve each other, and they're often miserable, embittered and cynical when they get older. The guys that treat a nice girl like crap will treat every woman like crap once the novelty wears off, they expose themselves as undesirable mates.
Just be yourself and remember that nobody writes stories about nice couples who get along well and trust each other. It happens all the time, you just never hear about it and there's no real money to be made "fixing" a relationship that isn't broken.
Finishing first is highly overrated in any event, and many of those who do finish first find themselves back in the race very quickly, only now they're carrying the extra baggage that makes running more difficult. Take care to finish best, and don't worry about the other runners.
this study might be true for college students-but what are college students? They are 20 year old kids who know LESS THAN NOTHING. Lets face it when you are 35 you are much more mature and KNOW WHAT YOU WANT OUT OF LIFE much more than a 20 year old.... In college I liked this girl who played hard to get and after talking for a while (in the cafeteria) with her friends and her acting sort of indifferent I thought maybe I should try once to ask her out. She told me to call her and I did. She never called back and I thought that was rude and stupid and I don't like women who play games. I never called her again. Flash forward 17 years in the future. She finds me on facebook and contacts me. I am now 37, married (happily to a lady who did not play hard to get and told me she liked me right away) with a daughter. Old girlfriend is divorced and trying to rekindle her past. She told me she got my message in college 17 yrs earlier but wanted to play hard to get and expected me to call her again and basically harass her until she thought I had tried enough to where she would agree to go out with me. She thought I should have tried harder. I don't think so. To all you women out there:if you like a guy a lot but play hard to get nine times out of ten he will give up and move on. There are PLENTY OF FISH IN THE SEA and a man who is a catch will not wait around for you. There are simply too many nice girls out there who don't play hard to get and don't play stupid mind games. This does not however mean sex on the first date. No guy will ever respect you for that...
That last bit sounds like a big double standard to me right out of the 1950s. Really guys, are you that judgemental towards someone who obviously found you VERY attractive? If that were the case, 75% of all the marriages in the 1980s would never have happened. Lighten up, its about respect, safety and enjoying someone's company.
There is a lot of middle ground between playing hard to get and being too easy. I believe that the best chance of long-term success with another person is being honest and having similar backgrounds and economic status. People from families at opposite ends of the economic spectrum seldom stay together. You also must have clear understandings about important things like money and debt, children, faith, goals, involvement of in-laws, etc. You should accept the person as they are since people seldom change after marriage. Marriages based solely on sexual attraction seldom last either, since age changes the level of sexual desire. I also think people should wait until they are a little older to marry since you probably are not the same person at 25 or 30 as you were at 20. Finally, you have to commit to each other for the long term. All difficult, but not impossible. There are also people who simply should not marry because they need constant variety, are afraid of commitment, or are just to immature or self-centered to be marriage or parent material.
very well said
Good article. This is all basic psychology. You always want what you can't have. The less avaliable you are the more desireable you are. And it's not lying or being dishonest, it's simply a strategy that smart men and woman use to get the person they want. And guess what? It works.
So once again, after millions of dollars in research, it is again proved Grandma was right.
"A lock that is opened by every key is worthless, a key that opens many locks is a "master" key".
Are you kiddin me?...after I'm done bendin' her over and 'puttin it to her' it ain't hard to get anymore...its hard to get rid of em anymore!
I hate with a passion that things work this way, but they really do. Regardless of what "principles" say should and should not be, this behavior is simply a rational truth stemming from human nature at its core. I despise "the game" and tried for years to reap its benefits without playing by its rules. I had more dating luck in the weeks I finally compromised my standard of what "open and honest" means than I'd had in the years I had refused to yield.
Someone I truly loved decided to play hard-to-get. All it was was a control issue. Their scheme backfired. When I returned the treatment and started ignoring them, they started stalking me. I also suspect they were behind some property damage occurring at my residence. To this day, I still ignore them and I can tell it drives them nuts because they are still stalking and looking. Two can definitely play this game. I will having nothing further to do with them, nor will I even acknowledge their presence or may eye contact with them, until they come to my front door and apologize for their actions.
A lot of us have an ex like that lol. I have an uncanny ability for playing nice, but when it starts to get bogus I'll say something so brutally honest it'll hurt. She was too young to know what true regret feels like, and I made sure to tell her I was going to make her feel it.
I just saw her a couple weeks ago. She looked like she might of had something to say, but she didn't have the guts to say it anyways. Funny thing is, if she finally came clean about it, I'd probably give her another shot. Or maybe I'd just try to hurt her again...
Geez. Just tell people what you want. No head games. If someone turns you down move to the next available person of interest. Eventually you will find someone interesting. The others that turned you down will see that someone has taken interest in you and will either come to you if they are strong or not avoid you next time if they are weak. As far as getting turned down, who cares? There are a lot of interesting people out there.
I'm glad they put the disclaimer at the end about it being only "college students" studied.
Now do a real story about adults.
I find it humorous that the article indicated that these psychologists throught that these people weren't "overtly" lying. The older I get, the more I realize that people lie all the time (as one of my favorite philosophers said: "People lie more often than they brush their teeth."). It may be more or less unconscious at times, but initially it is probably conscious, since most people deliberately put their best foot forward, since they want the hot guy/woman and most everyone wants more than they probably warrant. Then once in the relationship, it is patch, patch, coverup, etc with the hopes to "hook" the other person before they find out that the person has rage issues, addition problems, fidelity problems, etc. One the other person is hooked and more dependent upon them, the truth comes out...
Most people will deny the do this, but this is part of the act. Most people just can't face that they are liars and are deceiving other people. When I would confront people with this to their face with undeniable evidence, they just shrug and say:"Well, what did you expect me to do? It's the way it is, It's human nature, etc", with the expectation that this lets them off the hook for being deceptive. My brother is the con artist to the max about this. He's just so very charming, until his moodiness kicks in and he rips you a new a-hole for something you've done before without any explosions.
If we just realize that relationships are really more a "business" relationship than people make it out to be, it would be easier to understand why people are so deceptive....just like in business. Sure, there has to be some chemistry, but often the chemistry is directly related to the net worth of the person (or their parents). Money and power are great aphrodesiacs as one goofy looking, but powerful diplomat said.
As one woman who had more insight into herself than most others told me: "I love the players. I find that attractive. But I also know in the end, I'll regret it." Again, human nature at it's worst. Sigh.
"Playing" in the sense of acting something you don't really feel, never works for long. Either what you really feel will come out eventually, or the other person will be able to tell that you are not being real with them, which will probably be a turn off. However, in my experience being hard to get, rather than "playing" hard to get, works. Once I had enough self-respect and confidence not to need a man, I found a good one while I wasn't looking. At first I thought I didn't want to be with him; now we've been married for 11 happy years. I hear stories like mine all the time.