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Subscribe to RSSWhen looking for love, dating books and well-meaning friends may advise guys and gals to play hard-to-get. And now pretending not to be interested in a potential partner to increase your desirability is gaining some scientific support: A new study suggests that if you want a serious relationship, it pays for men and women to be hard-to-get.
According to the research, one potential benefit of playing hard-to-get is attracting a higher-quality mate with the greatest level of commitment for a long-term relationship.
In the study, published in the European Journal of Personality, psychology researchers ran four different experiments to determine how and why people play hard-to-get and if or when it works in attracting a mate.
In one test, they identified the ways people play hard-to-get and how often men and women use them. From a list of 58 strategies, nearly 500 American college students rated 'acting confident' and 'talking to others' as the two most commonly used methods of playing hard-to-get.
But there were slight differences in strategies between the sexes. When gals acted coy they tended 'not to call,' 'not to talk a lot,' and 'to stay busy,' more than guys did.
When guys wanted to appear less available, they used only three methods more than gals did including 'acting snooty or rude,' 'saying all the right things but not calling,' and 'treating others like s#@t.'
Not surprisingly to anyone who's been single, researchers found that women played hard-to-get more often than men did.
"Women derive more benefit from playing hard-to-get because it allows them to test men out and increase the demand men place on them," says study author Peter Jonason, PhD, an assistant professor of psychology at the University of Western Sydney in Australia.
"Because women have greater value in the biological mating market, they can afford to play hard-to-get more than men can," he explains. "Men who are too hard-to-get may miss out on a mating opportunity."
A second experiment of nearly 300 U.S. college students identified the top two reasons for playing hard-to-get were to increase demand (to make a romantic partner want someone more) and to test a partner's willingness to commit (to gauge interest and keep up a mate's pursuit).
The study also found that for a committed romantic relationship, women preferred a man who was medium in availability (not too easy or too hard-to-get) while guys preferred a gal with low availability (harder to get).
For a hookup, the results suggest a different story: If you're a women looking for casual sex, it does not pay to be hard to get. But if you're a man looking for a casual fling, it pays to be impossible to get, says Jonason.
And when it came to spending money and time on a potential romantic partner, 425 college students revealed that the less available a person is, the more a prospective mate is willing to invest time and money in him or her.
The researchers admit that since their study only looked at college students their results may not apply to other age groups of single people. But their findings indicate some of the games people play when dating.
"We all would want honesty in dating but this is never going to happen," says Jonason. "We are not overtly lying, but we're always trying to marry up."
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Play hard to get, but don't be afraid to give it away for free, and I mean love and affection in general, not just sex.
I'm sick of these stupid, immature "play hard to get games". People need to grow up and make their intentions clear. You want to play hard to get? Good luck then, maybe another woman will appreciate it because not only will it show me you're not serious about me, but if you pretend to be unavailable and ignore me, I will assume that you're not interested in me whatsoever and I will move on to someone else who shows interest. The "hard to get" game may work with some people, but I am proof that it does not work on everyone.
Dear "Hot:" You can play hard-to-get if you want to and get away with it...
And you have a remarkable resemblance to Bárbara Mori...
Nobody plays hard to get better than my girlfriend. She had a judge issue a restraining order against me. Now that's playing hard to get!
And she's still your girlfriend? Now THAT'S playing hard-to-get!
Men can't tell the difference between "playing hard-2-get" and "You're HIDEOUS! Leave me alone!"
It's a problem.
If a woman is hard to get guys should steer clear, nothing but a spoiled high maintenance child hiding in all that make up...and as soon as she gets tired of whoever she entraps it's off to divorce court and then let the games begin again...and again...and again...
But if she's also wearing clear heels, isn't that a mixed signal?
Is playing hard-to-get useful in the employment market as well? Will it lead to a higher initial salary?
Decades ago, I was introduced to a young lady at a party. She was good looking, projected the image of being what was at that time referred to as a "sharp girl". I was really impressed, and was trying to get up the nerve to ask her for a date. While I was pondering it I noticed her talking to one of her friends. She gestured toward me and said to her friend, "He may be a Marine Lieutenant, but I wouldn't go out with him". It really hurt me at the time, so I went on and lived my life, found a wife who wasn't too good for me, and never looked back. But recently, 50 years later, I was browsing thru the newspaper of my old home town, and saw an article about how Miss So-and-so was retiring after 50 years as a librarian at the local library. She'd never been married, had no kids. So I guess she was too good for everybody else, too. A little too "hard to get".
In my book this 'hard to get' mentality is called stupid head games. To me it's a major turnoff.
And we have all hear about "why buy the cow when the milk is free." And most have heard "why buy the pig when the susage is free." Yep, both of those and that "hard to get" manure, plus a dollar or so will get you a cup of coffee.
Very astute! You know men!
Wrong again. Playing hard to get only 'works' for the fully controlled, easily manipulated, uninformed, dysfunctional men that worship at the alter of females. Those men whom have reprogrammed and liberated themselves away from the feminist, sexist mold know full well that women who play 'hard to get' are rarely, if ever, worth the wait, the aggravation, or the game. Men rarely play 'hard to get' because women's attention span is about as long as one of Obama's promises.
You dated Michelle???
Sorry, only the pretty girls got away with this behavior when I was younger and I see things haven't changed at all. I have two sons in the dating pool and and I've witnessed the most moronic things girls have done to them (standing them up and then doing the lalala oh I forgot call/text a few days later). It hurts to see them hurt for no reason, but I tell them that it is how they will know the nice (and I mean nice as having MANNERS in a relationship) girls they will want to marry from the mean girls who will eventually be some other guy's problem. And girls, just so you know, boys listen to their mothers very well.
I'm not up on the dating scene because I've been with my wife for 31 years, but this issue is even older than me. I think I speak for a lot of guys when I say playing games of any kind, especially "hard-to-get", is the kiss of death to any potential relationship. Playing games comes across as not being interested, in which case its dumb to succomb and stupid to pursue. Girls, if you're interested, put it out there, if not, fine, we can take it.
Get the panties off its just that simple. I will not waste one moment on a woman who is not a sure thing. Since they all are charging for that "Kitty" anyway(some want marriage some want 20 dollars) lets get the payment plan settled first and then there is no pressure to play stupid games. I live in Bangkok and am getting premium "Kitty" everyday and at rates a 58 year old can afford without strain. So I ask you why would you waste time on women who have watched far too mach sex in the city to ever be of any use to a normal man?