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We tell one lie, sometimes two, every day, sharing an average of 11 untruths per week. We tell lies to avoid hurt feelings, or we embellish to make a story more interesting.
But whether it’s a white or boldface lie, all these fibs harm our health. Researchers discovered that people who lie less experience better physical and mental health than those who commonly bluff.
“If I could establish a link between better health and lying, maybe people wouldn’t [lie so much],” says Anita Kelly, a professor of psychology at the University of Notre Dame.
As an expert in secrecy, Kelly had known that people frequently lie and also value honesty in others. Fascinated by this paradox, she wondered if people could stop lying and how it would impact their health and relationships.
Kelly divided 110 participants, ages 18 to 71, into two groups: a control group, who could go about their lying lives as usual, and a “no lie” group, who were instructed to refrain from all lies, whoppers and white alike, for 10 weeks. Once a week over the 10 weeks, subjects answered questions about their health, sometimes while connected to a polygraph machine. Both groups knew they would be answering questions about the number of white and major lies they told but the no lie group were also instructed not to fib (and they even signed a contract stating they wouldn’t). Being hooked up to a polygraph machine meant the no lie group couldn’t lie about the times they'd, well, lied; if they did lie during the week, they had to admit it (telling no lies has a learning curve; despite best intentions, the no lie group still fibbed).
“The irony is that now that we have more outlets for disclosure [such as Facebook], it forces us to lie more because now people ask really bold questions,” she says.
When people refrained from sharing white lies, weekly they experienced three fewer physical ailments such as sore throats or headaches. And, their minds were at ease -- avoiding little fibs led to four fewer reports of mental anguish, such as depression and anxiety.
Giving up a bluffing habit wasn’t easy. The non-liars had to consciously think about what they were saying. When they first tried 24/7 honesty, they still told a few lies a week, but not as many as the control group.
“Depending on the participants, some found it very easy to drop to zero [lies]; some did drop to zero. It still was, on average, one lie in the non-lie group,” she explains.
In her daily life, Kelly tells as few tall tales as possible. She once discovered a dead chipmunk prior to a meeting and she struggled to dispose of it, making her tardy. Because she’s known for her honesty, no one doubted her.
Kelly stresses that not lying doesn’t mean sharing harsh truths -- it means telling kind truths or not revealing some information. A kind truth might sound like “I loved how that other dress looked on you,” instead of “you look terrible in this dress.” Participants in the no lie group also avoided exaggerations by changing the subject or not answering questions, politely, of course.
In addition to reporting less anxiety and depression and improved physical health, the no lie group felt happier in their relationships.
“Good relationships have long been connected to good health,” says Kelly. “The bottom line is this is really about the relationships … being caught in these lies is anxiety [producing] because we don’t want to ruin the relationships.”
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Lying and perjury are alive and well in society today. When the Chief Justices of the Supreme Court are found to be liars, there is little hope. I only believe half of what I see and none of what I hear!
It's easy to always tell the truth. I've never lied, not even once. Well, except for those three back there at the start of my post.
I can honestly say that I virtually never lie, but it came about for a practical reason.
I have never had a good memory, and in fact, I have a terrible memory for the mundane things in my life (I remember technical procedures very well because they have a logical sense behind them). I can watch a movie or television show (like Leno has his repeats only a month later somtime), and barely remember it only a short time later. There are movies I would almost swear I have never seen, but I know I have. So if I tell a lie, I won't remember doing it, and I would certainly get caught.
For me, it is much simpler to remember the truth than to whom you told a bunch of lies.
On one last note: To this day, in my 50+ years, no woman has ever asked me a pointed question like, "Does this make me look fat?" In a direct case like that, sure, I would probably spare her feelings, if necessary. In general, I have found that you don't need to lie to be tactful.
I understand this completely! I am exactly the same way and came to the same conclusion years ago. It is much easier to tell the truth than to remember to whom you have told a lie and to remember what the lie was. I also agree with you about pointed questions - they can be difficult to deal with and sometimes I simply don't give an answer.
I have found that those that profess to never lie are quite often the most dishonest, especially with themselves and the fact remains that most people have very poor introspection which sadly is due to choice rather than ignorance.
I should change my moniker to "Sirpantsonfire".
Imagine if we held ALL politicians and judges to this standard! We would have NO politicians or judges!
My ex-wife has made a career out of lying - she's in high tech public relations. Talk about finding your niche!
Ohh no, i couldn't last a few hours much less 10 whole days, WAY much less 10 whole weeks. I wouldn't be able to work, id get fired the first time someone asked my honest opinion on something or someone. I have a 13 year old daughter who is asking all sorts of questions im sure as he11 not going to answer truthfully. I have a girlfriend who is obsessed with questions that she really doesn't want to hear the truth on, and lastly myself. I sure don't want to tell myself the truth about myself....that would just be self destructive!!!
this just isn't true. Telling the truth makes people hate me. Which stresses me out. lol I am just a horriable liar. < Way to blunt>
Don't lie but the loophole is lying by omission is okay.
Embellishment as entertainment is not lying nor are omissions to prevent harm to another person's self-esteem ...generating falsehoods to deceive for personal gain is lying.
Of that latter, I could go ten years, let alone ten weeks, without lying, no problem. Lying is fear based and the worst form of it is lying to yourself. Drop that habit and the rest comes naturally.
A study I once read indicated that people who thought poorly of themselves were much closer to what other people thought of them than those who lied to themselves about their qualities as a person.
So it goes.
The irony between your post history and this comment is nearly overwhelming ... sad but typical.
What's sad is how you portray things with zero evidence. But then even your handle sounds like a teenager...oh well.
Sorry culheath, but some disagree with your definition of lying. The Stanford Dictionary of Philosphy, foe example, indicates that the most common definition of lying is
I'm too old to lie anymore but of course I don't tell everyone everything that I think because that would be stupid. For one thing my opinion is subject to change as I get more information and understanding on a subject. When I was a child I would lie to stay out of trouble but I am older, wiser now, happy with my life and who I am so that I really have no reason to lie anymore.
do what you say your going to do. show up on time and treat people the way you want to be treated you will have no need to lie. you don't have to tell someone they are a jerk always
I usually tell the truth and it pisses people off. As a result, I earn a lot of enemies. I'd rather be truthful person and unpopular than a fake person who never lives who they really are.
Why yes, yes I could go 10 weeks without telling a lie. Dammit, I am out already. Sorry.
I'm kind of shocked that it's assumed that most people lie all the time. I really hope that's not true. I hate lies. I remember at some point as a young kid - I must have told a lie to cover something bad that I had done, and I hated how that felt. My solution was to live my life so I never had to lie. And that's been my MO ever since. Not saying I tell someone they're ugly or anything like that. And I may omit hurtful details. But I never outright lie. I think that's disrespectful to other people.
I have 4 kids, two of them lie very easily, and two of them cannot tell a lie. They just can't do it. And it's for a similar reason. For them, it knocks their world off course a little. They're a bit OCD and a lie just puts things out of whack. It feels wrong. (My non-lying kids are not perfect - when they screw up, and aren't ready to confess, instead of lying, they just refuse to tell what happened.)
This would never fly in our nation's capitol. You remember when George Washington said, "I cannot tell a lie..."? Well, he lied.
I assume that commerce is always lying. The adjectives on the packages are lies. The sales presentation is a lie. The guarantee is a lie. The estimate is a great big lie. What you read, hear, see that is intended to get your business is all lying. Once your business has been gotten, you have paid your money, then it doesn't matter anymore, and somebody might tell you the truth. But even that's iffy.
One thing is for certain ... I have yet to witness an MSNBC Psyche Ward faithful that could answer yes to the question asked in this article's headline.
how do we know for a fact that this article isn't one big lie?
Mr. Spock doesn't look that healthy to me! :)
Imagine a world of ZERO lies. You ask someone how is he doing, then he unloads his problem onto you. I don't think that's good for my mental health.
Just because someone doesn't lie doesn't mean they spew forth endless truth. The truthful answer to a person you just met who says "How are you?" is not intended to dig out your problems. In the realm of that limited relationship with this person, the answer, "I'm fine" is truthful - because you are fine as far as they're concerned. And if you're truly not fine, there are many truthful answers that do not guilt the other party, or evoke further questioning, such as "I'm living" or "I've been better." or even "I'm ok" which is technically true if you're well enough to be there in the conversation.
Also, absence of lying does not mean a mindless rattling off of the truth - as is depicted in movies! People who try to always tell the truth do not walk around and volunteer "you're fat" or "you're ugly" just because it happens to be true.
I know I can, however it is part of the Republican platform to lie and cheat the American people and the ones who support them buy into it hook, line and sinker.
Yeah, sure. Uh huh. Yup. You betcha.
I learned as a child that lying makes almost every situation worse than it had to be. A lie must be continually refreshed. The truth will stand on it's own permanently. If a person did something wrong, and who hasn't, to lie about it will cause continuous stress. If that person is truthful about what occurred there is no more to be said and the negativity will be reduced substantially. My struggle with expressing reality is to temper what I say so as to do less harm with blunt speech. It takes more effort and thought to tell the truth with compassion than to just give the bald facts. Though I believe the effort is worth the result.
Certainly I could! Lying, as are most behaviors, becomes a habit and takes practice to change. Habits both good and bad take require varying degrees of discipline to alter, i.e., maintaining a regular exercise program becomes easier with time but is pretty difficult at the start. Same thing with undesirable habits, such as leaving dirty dishes in the sink or being constantly late for work...or lying.
Everyone who injected politics into this discussion is a loser. And that's no lie.
White lies are good common sense, and good social grease. Lies that harm no one are not to be regretted.
I can't say I've never lied but I don't make a habit of it and can't figure out why it is now "standard" to that "everyone" tells 2 or 3 a day. I guess I'm not human. What a bummer.
I don't even agree that 'white lies' are good. I have a neice now going through some tough trouble because she is afraid of not telling the whole truth and pasting it over with white lies. I gave her my suggestion, she chose otherwise.