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Sounds like a great way to creep somebody out.
It says to smile, not to whip out your junk
Exactly correct. It's an American thing to smile at people you don't know. In other countries they'll think you're mentally ill. Try smiling at a stranger in Moscow and see what reaction you get. Very common for Americans to believe that the entire world is supposed to be like the USA: Wrong.
Growing up in Europe we smiled or nodded at everyone. Yes, I've been to Moscow, yes I smiled at people, and people always smiled back. Nothing wrong with a nod and a smile--it does make the world a friendlier place.
I've done this many times before while walking down the street. People love it. You can see the expression on their faces change when a random person passing them by looks them in the eyes, gives thems a big smile, says hello. It's makes you feel good too.
When I was in America at my school I was told that I should not look at the face of a stranger passing on the street because that if they are criminal they do not want you to see their face. You cannot be too careful in the brutal jungle that is American streets!
I like to smile and say good morning or afternoon as I walk down the street or into a building. I even like to compliment someone if they are wearing something pretty or nice. It's fun to make someone happy. I especially like to compliment handicapped people or someone who looks sad and then see their faces light up with appreciation. It doesn't cost me a penny and it makes both of us feel good. If everyone did this, we would all feel better about ourselves and our surroundings.
Of course, there is always the rude jerk who acts like a jackass, for those people, I just mumble bad words under my breath with a curse or two thrown in to wish them bad luck for the rest of the day.
smile more- it's good for your health :)
And apparently for others' health as well.
It's all find and dandy until you smile at the weirdos who assume you have the hots for them just because you smiled at them and they decide to stalk you afterwards when you were just trying to be nice.
Does this really work? There is a smokin hot blonde 2 doors down, If I smile at her do you think she will stalk me and then appear in my bedroom one late night?? Maybe this will work......oh please let me be stalked.
I had this guy hitting on me, all because I decided to be friendly and ask if he knew what time the bus came...idk what it was, but he got the idea that I was downtown looking for a boyfriend, he clearly had NO boundaries, kept smiling at me in this.....creepy "I want sex" way......I don't even want to think about what would have happened if I had genuinely smiled at him....hell, being hostile didn't work, he finally left when I found someone else to help me out and blatantly ignored him.
Perhaps you should have "genuinely smiled at him" in the first place! Fake smiles really piss me off! Maybe this was his way of getting even...You offer a "fake" smile to get what "you" want....so he then decided to to the same thing!
It was NOT his way of getting even, you could not possibly know that. I've been in that area numerous times.....and this usually happens, and for some reason, it seems to be guys who don't really know a lot of English, hate to sound prejudiced, but......and I have to ask them to repeat themselves, and it just gets awkward.......and this guy knew me for only 5 MINUTES, Lisa, when I never even ASKED for his number, when I never even showed an interest in him, and he was pulling this crap! I don't think so! And he KNEW that I wasn't in the mood for it, but he CONTINUED. At that point, he KNEW what he was doing wasn't okay. And to make matters WORSE, he continued to pull this crap when he had NO CLUE of the bus schedule....it's like, you either know what time the bus comes or you don't, move along!!!! These guys just have no boundaries, plain and simple.
Perhaps you should have "genuinely smiled at him" in the first place! Fake smiles really piss me off! Maybe this was his way of getting even...You offer a "fake" smile to get what "you" want....so he then decided to to the same thing......Um, no, because then he would've followed me to the next bust stop...I hated to do it, but I just started ignoring him.
Also, where in my post does it say that I even smiled at him to begin with? I just walked up to him and asked him about the bus schedule, went to sit down on the bench after he answered my question, and instead of going on his way like everyone else, he decides to come and sit down, and hit on me, and ask me to put my number in his phone, ask if I'm single, etc....and I'm thinkin "Does this joker REALLY think he has a chance with me, hitting on me after only five minutes of knowing me? Jesus!" At that point, I just got irritated and walked up to the guy at the light, and he was able to help me out, and this weirdo finally took the hint and left me alone. If he does this to all the girls he sees downtown, it's not a surprise he's single, desperate, and creepy.
Asking about bus information, WHETHER I SMILED OR NOT, did NOT warrant this guy hitting on me, and crossing boundaries! And I think he knew better, which is why I was so irritated when he wouldn't just go away. Getting even MY ASS!
The fact that you would even POST something like that makes me question whether or not you have boundaries.
you have serious issues
@justme....you have serious issues
This from the person who probably doesn't know what it's like to be hit on/harassed by men you can barely understand...."issues" huh? Well, I'd love for you to copy and paste your Psychology degree, maybe then I'll take you seriously.
Until then, go @!$%# yourself.
Isis--
It's creepy and scary when a man does that. How are you supposed to know whether he's just a jerk or a psychopath?
Depending on the laws of the state you live in, here's a quick way to discourage such creeps. Carry a small stun gun, look him straight in the eye with an angry and aggressive expression, yell GO! as you take a fast step toward him and simultaneously discharge the stun gun in the air.
Works like a charm. The little creeps get the message in any language.
But in the meantime, most people are not jerks or psychopaths. Prepare yourself, but stay connected.
thow him in jail and see how well his "smile social system" works... survialism is how things are headed..
For simians in general, I have heard, showing the teeth with the lips broadly spread is an aggressive stance. Why do we humans take the same gesture as a friendly overture?
Because it's something humans naturally do when happy. Ever see a baby smile when filling its diaper, just because it feels so darn good to get that stuff out?
With all due respect inmissouri, I think you may have misunderstood old lawyer's question. He was asking about why we smile from an evolutionary perspective, whereas the baring of teeth signals aggression in nearly all other species of primates on Earth. It is a very good question, and not one that should be brushed off simply as "we smile because we like it".
The reason is that the baring of teeth DOESN'T just signal aggression. Most primate species use it in a fear response, and in neutral responses as well. With regards to fear, when a more dominant or aggressive member of the group assaults a less dominant member, the less dominant member will bare teeth and adopt submissive body posture as a sign that he presents no threat. It provides social stability and passivity between members of the group. Interestingly, humor and smiling in our species provides the same thing.
More than likely, the human smile became a more passive and submissive gesture as our dentition became less elaborate and valuable for a display. It is no coincidence that the baring of teeth is most valuable for species with greatly enlarged canine teeth. In humans, the canine teeth have been decreased in size to be nearly the same as the incisors.
I hope that was thorough enough for you, old lawyer. Good question.
I hope you receive my thanks. This has been puzzling me for years.
Just good old fashion civility goes a long way. Open a door for someone -- male or female -- and let them go first. Smile at the cashier checking you out; smile at the worker stocking in the grocery store or say a quiet "hello." You don't know how much that will lift the spirits of the person working and yourself. These little gestures actually help people feel not only connected but also valued.
A case in point: I smiled and said hello to one of the new workers in the produce section of our local grocery store. She smiled and said hello. Sounds like nothing. We got in the habit of always saying hello, and eventually we talked a little. I found out she was dealing with cancer.... All those smiles just brightened her days....
So, you never know....
You are so right, Abby. Life can be difficult and you never know what that random stranger you encounter could be going through.
I can remember when I was going through some pretty dark days several years ago. I had gone to a local farmers market. It was a beautiful, sunny day and I just wanted to soak up the sun and try to forget my troubles for a bit. At one of the fruit stands, a kind older gentleman stopped and gently put his hand on my shoulder and commented on the produce. That few seconds of kindness from a complete stranger so lifted my spirits, I've never forgotten it.
Post of the week, Abby. Well said, hon!! : )
I'd comment if I weren't busy ignoring you. All of you.
Wow, this is timely for me. At work, there's a guy who was unusually friendly for his first month there, so one day I asked if he was doing anything for lunch, but he had plans. No worries, right? Well, right after he started totally ignoring me in the hall or if we passed each other's desk. It's been going on for two months now and I feel like we've had a falling out or something. We have not spoken once since and he's now the least friendly person there (to me anyway). I keep thinking I'm being silly or overly sensitive, but it's not my imagination, and it bugs me (and I've been thinking that maybe it shouldn't, so this study makes me feel better!).
And it sort of became contagious. As a way to protect myself from the way he makes me feel, I won't even look at him because I won't give him the chance to pretend I'm the wall. And I hate it because it's unnatural for me. The whole thing makes me feel bad all the time and I've concluded the guy is a jerk, and I avoid walking by his desk.
Just today he was even more blatant about it three times - and then I learned he's leaving the company in a month and I was so pleased to hear it. Good riddance.
he just kept quite while you were constantly checkin out his butt, but you freaked him out with the lunch date invitation..
LOL. I've been joking to myself that maybe he thought I was hitting on him.
I'd say that there is a very good chance he thought you were hitting on him.
dont forget to smile while swimming in a world full of arseholes... ;)
Good way to freak out people are make them think you are gay.
You need a lot more than a smile--maybe Get Well cards will do the trick....
I'm a naturally nice guy, but after smiling at about three people and getting consecutively awkward looks like "Why the hell are you smiling at me" or hateful faces, I pretty much lose interest in smiling. Hmm, maybe I'm the one experiencing the rejection feeling...lol. Just seems most people don't like smiles these days.
I'm in California too, Jeff...born and raised. From experience, I can say that we definately don't have that southern hospitality thing going here. My experience has been that you have to learn to pick and choose who you smile at. I just get vibes from people I guess. You have to pick not only the person, but, the time and the place. It's not something that you can force. It kind of just has to happen naturally, otherwise you will end up with the "why the hell are you smiling at me?" looks.
I'm from California and though I'm a pretty friendly and open person when i moved to the Midwest I was shocked by the overt over-friendliness (as it seemed to me) coupled with the disinterest in actually forming any real connection or becoming friends. It took a while to get used to everyone chatting and smiling but no one wanting to go to lunch or talking about anything interesting.
Eventually I figured it out but my initial reaction was to think people were either trying to scam me or were "fake". Now I just think they are just more reserved combined with a need to seem happy constantly to strangers and acquaintances. Not a bad thing but different.
I used to smile at people when I passed by them on the street, but then one guy mistook it for an advance and stalked me for a while until I ducked into a nearby friend's house. He was probably foreign (I lived in a Chinese immigrant neighborhood in Brooklyn) and he just didn't understand, but it freaked me out and I stopped smiling at strangers.
Whatever. I do notice that almost everyone drives, walks, shops with these amazing frowns or scowls on their faces. I don't even thing they're aware they look like they do. It's so unattractive that I've made a personal point of not walking around that way. At any rate, I believe that as the corners of your mouth are turned, so shall your day be.
A longtime city dweller, I have always made a point of acknowledging street people and others on the fringe. I firmly believe this practice makes me safer and my neighborhood more civilized. You don't have to engage people to acknowledge their existence. Ignoring people is more than rude; it's unwise.
Definitely agree. I'll smile or nod, and I think it's saved me a couple of times. It kind of disarms people.
I always smile at attractive people and ignore others. That's what you are supposed to do otherwise we would all look the same.
Please tell me you're not serious. That is one of the most shallow statements I've heard in a long time. You poor thing.
I was joking but what I said is very true of a lot of people, if you don't believe me walk down the street with or near a gorgeous woman sometime.
I think it is always best to smile to alll you meet,, You never know when you might require artificial respiration!
This study is dead wrong. In other cultures, smiling at strangers is considered a sign that you're mentally ill. Try smiling at someone you don't know in Moscow. Women will make the sign of the cross so you won't give them the evil eye, and men, well, you better be moving on without delay. Smiling at people you don't know is a very American trait, not shared by others around the world.
No way. Unless you're in a known, friendly coastal community. Then just smile or nod to anyone over 70.
My town is small enough that smiling at strangers is very common. However, it is not advisable when in a big city or when travelling in other countries. Well, it's probably ok in Canada...
We are all connected . . . I always offer a welcome nod to drivers as I walk, and a very special wave as they slow to permit me to cross the street.
A sense of community is so important, we must all remember that we are all a part of something bigger than ourselves . . .
We are all a part of the American Family.
Kristen, I'm sure you're a very nice lady, and I mean no disrespect at all, but reading your post, the image of a streetwalker came to mind...LOL!
Usually found people engaged in outdoor physical exercise activities such as bicycling, jogging, running, power walking, etc., are more apt to exchange friendly greetings or kind words when passing strangers. Rare not to get a friendly response. As for just smiling at strangers, I would advise against it. Having a stranger just smile at me would make me feel apprehensive and suspect of the person's motives.
Have you noticed lately that about half the people you meet are looking down at their phone or texting someone? Makes it difficult to smile at or acknowledge someone. At work I've noticed that those habitual texters aren't really sure what to do when you pass them and their not on there phone. Sign of the times?
Such distrust of your fellow man! it's disgusting to me! Learn to handle a situation that might be going a little to far, there is a proper way you know. But to say you are apprehensive and suspect of the persons motives?!?!....From a smile?!?! That sound like paranoia! Ever wonder why thus country is going to hell in a hand basket......The lost of a sence of community that's why. Believing everyone one meet on the street is a threat is foolish.
LOL, i misread this as why you should smite strangers!
Now that I am a senior citizen, many more people initiate a smile toward me or return my smile. I like that!