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BUT THIS IS MY INSIDE VOICE!!
If there were a "Saturday Night Live" skit that sums up Kevin Roberts' life, it would have to be The Loud Family.
"My family is full of loud talkers," says the 42-year-old author and educational consultant from Detroit. He jokes, "My mother sneezes so loudly that children in the neighborhood congregate around the house waiting for one.
"I do a lot of public speaking and don't use a microphone, even if I'm talking to 400 people. And whenever I get together with my brother, we're out of hand. Everybody shushes us. We just have booming voices."
Roberts' sister, on the other hand, has her volume set to low.
"My older sister compensates," he says. "She has a first grade subdued teacher voice. She's more of a soft talker."
While loud talkers and soft talkers may seem like the stuff of "Seinfeld," researchers have actually pinpointed why some of us are constantly shushed while others struggle to be heard.
"There are four different factors," says Dr. Amee Shah, director of the speech acoustics and perception laboratory at Cleveland State University. "There's a biological component, a pathological component, a personality component and a cultural component."
Sometimes, loud or soft voices are simply based on the way we're built, Shah explains.
"It can be mechanical," she says. "Everybody is born with a different size larynx and vocal cords within that. Also, some may have smaller lungs and can't generate enough airflow to have a louder voice."
Pathologically speaking, the volume of a person's voice can be due to changes in the tissue or vibration rate of the vocal cords.
"As we age, our tissue atrophies," says Shah. "The vocal cords don't vibrate as fast. Or there could be other things, such as the person is a lifelong smoker or they have vocal nodules or polyps. All those things can contribute to a softer voice."
Personality can play a part in the loud voice-soft voice smackdown, as well (just check out the difference between the "Super Bass" singing cousins Sophia Grace and Rosie in this viral video).
"Some people may be shy and withdrawn and inhibited," says Shah. "They may not be comfortable in a social situation, they may not be a good speaker. This is where some of the examples from 'Seinfeld' come in -- the low talkers or the people who like to mumble. Psychologically, they're not able to project their voices loud enough."
Even culture can affect how loudly (or softly) we talk, says Shah.
"Certain cultures prevent or inhibit loud talking, especially if you're a woman," she says. "There are pragmatic reasons why someone may not make direct eye contact and not project their voice loud enough."
As to whether loud talking is genetic, Shah says it's more about environment.
"At the family level, it's more of a mental influence," she says. "If it's a large family, everybody learns that to be heard, you have to speak up. It's more sociological."
But growing up around a bunch of loud talkers can have the opposite effect, she says, as with Roberts' soft-talking sister.
"Sometimes, if a father or older brother is louder, a sibling might tend to be more withdrawn," she says.
There is good news for soft talkers longing to be heard, though, says Shah.
"You can definitely train yourself to talk louder," she says, pointing to various methods such as using the respiratory control more efficiently, learning to work your optimal pitch so you're not wasting air flow, taking deeper breaths, hydrating yourself more often, and doing yoga.
"All of these give you more projection," she says.
As for talking softer, Shah says that's much more difficult.
"Most of the time, people aren't aware they're doing it," she says. "They may not think they're loud unless somebody tells them. A lot of the time, people focus on content and don't think about delivery."
Are you naturally quiet -- or does your voice seem to be permanently set at the highest possible volume? Got any theories why you're that way?
Related:
- Teen has tongue surgery to speak Korean. Huh?!
- 'Allo, guvnah! Mimicking accents may be innate
- Pahking the cah? Regional accents getting stronger
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Odd they didn't list hearing loss as a factor. I wear 2 hearing aids, and I have a tendency to speak too loudly when I don't get good feedback. My husband is starting to talk more loudly than before, and we both suspect his hearing is going bad. We'll know for sure if I can persuade him to have a hearing test.
You are correct which leads me to believe the author turned a deaf ear to those with diminished hearing - and there at many of them (Have you heard?).
Nor did they say what is a psychological reason for loud talking............women/men who don't feel 'heard' will do this too, say with a spouse, boss or other when they feel they are getting ignored.
Very true! There are legitimate physical reasons a person might have for speaking loudly, which are not addressed in this article. (I'm sure all the critics of loud talking, like myself, are excluding you from their critiques, even if not stated so explicitly.) It reminds me of that article about diet soda a few days ago, where they go on and on about the two types of people who drink diet soda -- people who are counting calories and people with diabetes. Hey guys, what about those of us who drink diet soda so they don't bathe their teeth in sugar! On behalf of all those who drink diet soda for dental reasons, I join you in your protest!
Another one is situational, when I was younger, my dad and I always gave my mom grief because anytime she's on the phone or near her mom, she's loud as hell. If she's on a cell phone while you're in the car, it will actually hurt your ears.
I tend to speak soft most of time. I do well in 1-on-1 conversations anywhere, but within a group, I tend to forget that I must project a bit louder so everybody can hear me. It doesn't help that my "true" voice has a fairly low tone. So I'm constantly speaking at a higher tone to be sure people I talk to hear me clearly.
When discussing my soft voice, the best description I can give is: When I talk, I can hear myself loud & clear - so in my head, I think I am speaking loud; but realistically I may not be talking loud enough - which is maybe an issue of physical mechanics. And when I do talk loud for any extended period of time, my throat/larynx/vocal cords are sore for a few days afterwards - leaving me feeling like I've done a lot work that really wasn't necessary.
The one thing in this article that interest me is the fact that my soft voice is most-likely hereditary as I speak almost exactly like my late grandfather. He never spoke loud & didn't seem like he really could if he wanted to. Listening to the "tone" & varying inflections of his voice was important to understanding him when he spoke.
I'm a "loud-talker". My voice just carries, always has. The same is true of my brother. I try to tone it down, speak from the back of my throat, but it still carries. Reading this article, I think it's both Biological and personality. I'm not shy. I'm not rude or mean or obnoxious. I'm just not a person of fear.
At any rate, not something I'm going to worry about.
I'm the same way, I've always talked loudly. I specifically remember in 1st grade we were doing presentations on... something... and they were being recorded so we could watch them back. Anyway, as we were watching them back the volume on the TV was very high, because most 1st graders talked very quietly, especially on camera. When my turn came up, I talked so loud the teacher had to run to the TV set and quickly turn it down. It was pretty funny.
I'm not extremely outgoing, but I'm not shy by any means. I'd say I just have a powerful voice.
Hope you don't combine such characteristics with excessive and inappropriate cell phone usage...... Detestable. Detestable......
Don't own a cell phone and I talk LOUD always have I have been infront of 20,000 people NEVER needed a microphone. I can be obnoxious especially if it is family or friends I haven't seen for a while but I try to stay in my own enviornment so it won't affect people. I am passionate so my talking confuses people into thinking I am mad but I tell them you'll know when I am mad you hear it before you see it or me Oh I am just a smidge over 5ft.... I also have a deep voice much more masculine more Demi Mooreish....Lets just say I have always sounded like an adult even when I was a kid I am the middle child and I find I talk louder then both my brothers....
I'm a soft talker, but not because I'm unable to speak loudly or because I'm afraid to speak loudly. I actually do a lot of public speaking and I project my voice very well in situations where I don't have a PA. The key is this -- I speak loudly when appropriate. Addressing a rally or meeting is an appropriate time and place to speak loudly. Restaurants and train cars are not. It's no different than choosing your clothing. You may wear a suit to work, jeans at the bar, a bathing suit at the beach, a cocktail dress at a party, etc. Other aspects of our behavior are, or should be, just as tempered by those considerations. You may tell a dirty joke at a bridal shower, but not at your grandparents' anniversary dinner. You may dance at a club, but not at your office. There's no reason we can't also use our voices in socially appropriate ways. "That's the way I was brought up," or "I'm so used to it I can't help it" are not excuses for other types of socially inappropriate behavior, nor should they be for people who shout into their phones in restaurants.
Revel: Although I tend to be contrary when it comes to following "expected" norms without question, I really really concur with your idea of appropriate environs for loud... appropriate environs for soft voice. To bend this first sentence upon itself: "Appropriate," even from a contrary point of view, means not disturbing others without commonly accepted need - as in shouting "FIRE" when there's a damn fire.....
"I'm just a loud person." No excuse. Try being aware of other people, moe-rons. I'll bet you loujd talkers are great company in a movie theater, church, or lecture hall.....
Jersey Bob
There are times I turn up the volume but most of the time I do not know that I am projecting (as I put it). My wife has learned to put her fingers over my mouth to hush me. Rude people or youngsters who have not yet learned of their condition will disturb at theaters, church, etc. but that is true of soft speakers also. I'm a loud person is a valid excuse, but not an excuse to continue with the disturbing behavior, I agree. Oh yes, when I turn up the volume, everyone knows it. I rarely yell but my volume can be much higher than most peoples' yelling. When I was in high school back in the 60s, I would be heard cheering at basketball games over the noise in the gym. I found that if I sat in the highest bleacher, I could be heard by almost everyone there.
I would say being loud at times is a curse as I am intimidating or disturbing when I do not mean to be. But there are times it is a blessing as my voice has been the one that stopped a child in his tracks when headed for danger ignoring the shouting of his family and I have warned coworkers of a dangerous situation while working in a noisy environment. This article was basically dead on from my experience.
Bob:
Just because we have powerful voices doesn't mean we're rude and excessive. I'd say you are being rude for assuming we do. When I'm not speaking publically I'm actually quite quiet. People who talk loudly on the phone WANT the attention as there is almost nothing that can't be said with a silent text message or e-mail while in a public place.
Having a loud voice is fine and dandy. Using it in inappropriate setting is a problem.......... Certainly loud warning of impending danger of injury would fall under "appropriate" by any definition.... I thought I made that clear.....
Keep a couple of marbles in your mouth, like in the Godfather movie, and I bet it will keep you from talking loud.
It mostly increases the chance of choking to death on a marble.
ear problems from an early age made me a loud mouth then toss in hearing loss from exposure to weapons fire in the military and i have to constantly and purposefully make attempts to lower my booming too-loud voice but it is difficult to constantly remember thus i am a social pariah who has taken to solitary refuge within my humble hovel.
my primitive shanty atop the ozark plateau.
If anything can be done to help you to hear more clearly (not just hearing aids), then get it done. Being able to hear your own voice will help you to lower your decibel level.
I am a loud talker. I was an only child, so a large family isn't the reason. I do find that the more excited I get about something, the louder I get. But I constantly have to monitor my voice and make sure I'm not "booming". It's not easy!!
My ex-wife was a loud talker especially when she was on the phone, you could clearly hear her talking on the phone from behind a closed door on another level of the house.
I don't mind people with loud voices. I mind when people don't know when to talk and when not to talk. I notice loud voices when they aren't supposed to be there, like at the movies, or my daughter's ballet recitals or in a class that I am paying to attend.
My sister is extremely loud. It reached a point where I became uncomfortable eating in restaurants with her. Personally I think it's rude & thoughtless behavior. The other customers should not be FORCED to listen to your private conversation. If you need an audience that badly - SELL TICKETS!!!!
I've had a few friends like that. I'm almost embarassed to go somewhere with them because they are SO loud. In a public environment, I always make sure to keep my voice down.
Ugh...restaurants. That's the worst. Because it only takes one loud talker (and there's always at least one), and everyone else has to speak louder to be heard at their own table. The result? Restaurants are almost always a din of needlessly loud voices. Sometimes I just want to tell everyone, "turn it down a notch!"
I have had the same experiences with someone in my family. With her, it's all an attention-seeking, control-the-conversation thing. Insecurity at its ugliest. She's almost always talking, and she will stop at nothing to dominate the conversation. If anyone else tries to speak, she will increase her volume and keep right on talking. I tend to be a very soft-spoken person, especially in public, so it bothers me - a lot. I couldn't count the number of times I've had to tell her to lower her voice in a public setting. I finally reached a point where I will not go anywhere with her in public, because it is that embarrassing to me. It is extremely rude, self-centered, thoughtless behavior - I completely agree.
I hate when people do that. I'm normally not a very talkative person, so you can bet that if I'm trying to interject, I'm giving you a not-so-subtle hint that you have been speaking way to long about something and it's time to move on.
People don't do that because the WANT to. They may feel like they are being ignored or overlooked and are frustrated. It happens subconciously.
My brother talks so loudly (really, he shouts) that being in public with him is a total embarrassment. Well, that and his total disregard for hygiene, decent clothing, and manners. Whenever we're at a restaurant with family, I'm constantly shushing him and telling him to use his "inside voice." We get so many stares that I have to overcompensate by being overly friendly and mannerly so that everyone doesn't think my parents raised a bunch of animals.
My father is also rather loud, but in his case, it's because he wants an audience. If he talks to you and you try to get away, he follows you, ranting and raving the whole time. You almost have to be rude to get him to leave. And both he and my brother completely ignore blatantly obvious signs that you're not interested in their latest computer games and overly-technical discussions. They (particularly my brother) want everyone to know that they're smart.
I've found that loud talkers with good hearing talk AT you instead of TO you.
Strange article. It's supposed to be on loud talkers, and all it says is how soft talkers can talk louder.
Lol, because that's what we need in public spaces, more noise! I agree -- where are the tips on how loud talkers can turn down the volume?
There's no mystery here - many people are obnoxious A-holes who feel that what they have to say is more important than anyone else. The best thing to do is listen for something you can use against them.
UDunno: I agree-I think loud people (and people who talk ALL THE TIME) have BIG EGOS. In their minds they are V.I.P's.........lol Today I avoid both like the plague..........
The quieter you speak around me, the louder I will get when I ask you to repeat yourself, and I make sure to look at peoples' faces when I'm asking them to talk to me. I've actually found that this is enough with some people to help them realize that I want to hear what they have to say and it often encourages them to use their voice better. I'm a big talker and a loud talker, but I love to talk WITH people, not just at them. I like to have actual dialogue back and forth; I share, you share, I comment, you respond, and we both get a chance to talk and learn something. My parents and brother and I are all loud, and my mother and brother, for the most part, will not give you a chance to get a word in. That's probably why I learned to listen to people and give them a chance to talk.
My co-worker is a Loud Talker. If you ask her to, she will quiet down for a few minutes. But she goes right back. Sigh.
Mine won't even do that. I've gone into her office many times to point this out and it's gotten to, "(Coworker's Name) - indoor voice." One time I heard her from the other end of the building. Not just that she was talking, I could each word. I even walked in, repeated back what she saying, and told her where I was standing at the time. We share a floor with other departments in my company and I'm waiting for the day HR shows up. Especially given that many of those conversations were about personal matters.
Incidentally, is your coworker Asian? Mine is and many time I've wondered if Asians grasp the concept of 'indoor voice'. On the train some weekends, there are elderly Asian women who communicate solely in their own language at a volume level that rivals rock concerts. The other end of the car is bad enough, but I've been stuck directly across from them a few times.
How do you make a loud talker, talk more quietly? I work with someone that is insanely loud at times, to the point that I can hear her entire conversation she is having at her desk, to mine, and we are at least 50 feet away from each other. And heaven forbid if she gets excited or upset about something - then the volume goes up even louder. Any advice? We've tried asking her to watch her volume and tone, but to no avail.
Talk to HR about this one. Encourage other employees to do the same if they are also bothered by this. After all, she's so loud that she's affecting peoples' ability to do their jobs. HR can do and say things to this woman that you can't, because coming form you, they could be considered harassment. They can relay that there are a number of complaints about her decibel level, and they can recommend, and perhaps even order her to have her hearing tested. That may be part of her problem. IF HR handles this, then even if her hearing is fine, she still has those complaints and the talk from HR on her record. If that behaviour continues, there will then be a record of a continuing problem, and that could make her the subject of some type of disciplinary action.
Have everyone in the office bring a small instrument to work. Just little noisemakers like kazoos, harmonicas, maracas, tambourines, etc. When she starts yapping, everyone start playing. Match her volume. If she gets louder, play louder. Before she knows it, she'll have a full-scale cacophony blaring around her and will probably notice. As soon as she notices and stops talking, stop playing. Put the instruments away and act like you have no idea that anything out of the ordinary happened. See how many times you can all pull this off before she figures it out.
My family is forever teasing me about my soft voice... :)
One time when my husband & I had just gotten home from picking up a few things at the store... I went to the back car door to get the items out. My hand was wrapped around the door frame, my thumb between the open window & framework... (will NEVER do that again!) my hubby started to put the window up not realizing where me hand was, my thumb started to get smashed (HARD).... I screamed ow, ow, ow.... he unrolled the window as fast as he could.... I felt like I was yelling so loudly! My family imitates it to this day in such a soft whisper, because I guess it wasn't loud at all. lol
*where MY hand was
oops... :)
I have a horribly loud voice. I don't mean to. It could be because I have had ear problems since I was a toddler and I routinely have to have my ears cleaned from too much wax! (yuck, I know!) I try to speak softly, but for some reason, it is so hard to do. If I don't concentrate very hard on it, my voice will just be loud. Sorry, people! :)
My husband is a loud talker, too. I get it that most of you are NOT being deliberately obnoxious. When I ask my husband to turn it down, he says he can't hear himself. I think that may be why some people with hearing problems speak loudly -- they feel that they need to hear themselves as loudly as they would want to hear someone else. Just remember -- you don't need to hear yourself for the other person to hear you (a lesson I learned in nightclubs).
I was one of those kids that always got singled out for talking in class when everyone else was talking too. I just have one of those voices. I probably should have gone into broadcasting.
No, you have a lack of self-awareness, or potentially, a hearing problem.
Not everyone wants or needs to hear you, it is easy to adjust your volume, all you have to do is LISTEN, and then adjust accordingly.
Lack of self awareness..............says it all!!! Total lack of awareness of how my behavior affects the people around me (aka selfishness) People control themselves all the time when they choose to................
So true. I work in a museum- often a conversation between 2 can be heard by the other 40 people in the room. They have no concept that the other people really don't want or need to hear the conversation
I was always the one in school that had "talks to much in class" on my report cards or was too loud in class...and even later on, after I was done with school and entering the work world. I actually became self conscious of it, and now am usually a pretty soft talker - especially around new people or situations. It is possible to reform! Although, finding a happy medium might be harder!
They typically belong to unfunny comedians. Raymond?
He doesn't have a loud voice so much as he speaks entirely through his nose. Brad Garrett from that show had a waaay louder natural voice (although being a giant probably helps with that).
And it's ironic that they brought up Seinfeld in the article, because George Costanza was probably the worst loud-talker in TV history. Seriously, watch some reruns: probably more than half his lines are delivered in nothing less than a full-on yell.
I'm naturally a very quiet person. I tend to have good situational awareness and modulate my volume accordingly; either that or I have ridiculously sensitive hearing. I'll keep the TV volume at around 6 or 7, and my girlfriend always asks me how I can possible hear it.
On the positive side, when you're normally quiet, people really pay attention when you do raise your voice. If you're always shouting, no one pays attention after a while. That's why you see loud parents always screaming at their kids, and the kids brushing it off. My dad hardly ever raised his voice, but you can bet that when he did, we stopped and listened. Maybe that's where I got it.
I don't seem to mind other loud talkers either, but soft talkers seem to make me talk louder I guess I am trying to compensate for their lack of voice power, I am constantly being told to talk lower I try but in all reality I am 40 and my hearing is getting worse My Father has Bad hearing my Uncle is completely deaf, so it will be an inevitable thing I am sure, but I guess I do talk loud to not have to repeat myself, that I think has alot to do with loud talking the inefficancy of repeating myself annoys the hell out of me, I feel like it is wasted time...I do try to control myself out in public but I'll be honest on the EAST COAST I am much better at it then on THE WEST COAST it goes right the hell out the window in the west. I'll give U an example in NJ I would go to the video store to rent a movie you could here a pin drop on the carpet no one interacts with anyone and NO ONE ASKS questions about whats Hot whats good what's not worth seeing. California total opposite Billy will yell across the room to his friend "HEY DONNY U SEEN THIS FLICK" there is so much talking you can hear everyone's conversations so maybe it's also ENVIORNMENTAL. wow I think I am over analyising this, but it might help me talk softer maybe???
If you speak anything like you type, sounds to me like you've got a serious case of verbal diarrhea. Trust me on this: it's not everyone else who's quiet; it's you who's obnoxiously loud.
ashleyaddams - You are correct. My husband was transferred to the East Coast to work for several years and found people there were less open to conversation or just pleasantries. He found it very difficult at first but eventually found a couple of good friends who made his stay tolerable. We have traveled a lot during our marriage and have found most people friendly.
it's not their fault? BULL****! just wait til they want to tell one person something that they don't want others to hear and they can whisper. fyi, i don't mean people with hearing problems but even they can talk at normal levels once told they are being too loud. most are just oblivious to there surroundings or are trying to dominate a conversation. my mother in law does the latter. if someone has something to say her volume goes up x 5 to drown them out.
everyone in my family is a loud talker. my dad is a big guy with a low, booming voice who also has some hearing damage from being in the Navy. my mom is a tiny little woman who related her college drama participation as "i wasn't very good, but everyone could hear me". so my sister and i are loud talkers, both by nature and our upbringing. it is NOT intentional... i try to remember that my voice carries; i almost never make personal calls at work and keep my voice in the back of my throat during "cube" discussions.
the only solution for loud talkers is to continually remind them. eventually, it will sink in and they will be mindful. if it doesn't, then they don't care, and that is another issue entirely.
I've noticed that certain peoples voices just carry more than others. Mine is one of them. I"m not trying to be loud, and I do know when to be quiet, so it's not a matter of having a big ego or thinking that I'm more important than others around me. My voice just simply carries. My husband could be talking at the same volume as me, but he's harder to hear. Same thing with my sister. It's weird, but I do think there is a biological component.
Mine is the same way. It just carries. Not that I want it to. So I sometimes find myself not speaking so much because I know my voice can travel great distances. It's great for speaking engagements but not so great when you want to have a private conversation without everyone hearing you.
My husband has always been rather quiet and soft spoken. When he gets excited about something or is talking about something that interests him, he talks louder and faster as he goes. He (and his father) also will repeat themselves to the point I have to remind him he has already said whatever - very frustrating. He also seems to be deaf - failing about half of the questions asked in a hearing analysis yet passed the actual hearing exam. I guess he has selective hearing. It really makes me wonder how different a person can be.