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Subscribe to RSSNarcissists are well aware of their me-first tendencies and may not be completely clueless of how their personalities and reputations come across to others, a new study claims. This finding challenges the belief that people with super-sized egos -- and even bigger heads -- lack self-insight.
In a study cleverly titled "You Probably Think This Paper's About You" in the July issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, researchers were surprised to find that narcissists did, in fact, see themselves as narcissistic and realized that other people view them less positively as they see themselves.
A narcissist is someone who is arrogant and condescending, enjoys bragging and arguing, and often tries to be the center of attention, says Erika Carlson, a graduate student in psychology at Washington University in St. Louis, and the study's lead author.
Carlson and her research team wanted to determine to what extent the perceptions of people who are full of themselves varies based on how they view themselves, how they are seen by others, and how they believe others see them.
One experiment looked at 110 college students (41 men, 69 women) who worked in small groups once a week throughout a semester. During the first and last week they met, each group rated its members on 10 personality traits and classmates also completed self-evaluation forms.
As expected, folks who think they're special scored themselves higher on positive characteristics, such as intelligence, likability, and physical attractiveness. Even though they made good first impressions with their peers, those lofty views soured over time but narcissists realized that their reputations had taken a hit.
"If you told narcissists that they are 'narcissistic' and that others don't see them as positively as they see themselves, they would not be surprised," points out Carlson. And while college is an age when young people appear more self-absorbed, Carlson speculates that even if her research participants included middle-age and older narcissists, the results might be similar if not more extreme.
She suspects that although narcissists would receive feedback about their behavior, they probably think others don't see their brilliance because they're jealous or not smart enough to recognize it.
A second experiment involved 274 Air Force recruits (154 men, 120 women) who had spent six weeks together in basic training. Unlike the previous study, the recruits knew each other better than mere acquaintances, and scientists used a clinical tool to measure narcissism instead of self-reported information.
Researchers found once again that people who were the most self-centered viewed themselves that way and believed their coworkers would perceive them as big-headed, too.
"Narcissists know that others do not share their positive self-views," says Carlson. But her hunch is these self-absorbed individuals view their narcissism as a character strength that brings them personal gain and helps them get ahead.
When asked how best to handle the narcissists in our lives, Carlson suggests, "My guess is the trick is to use their desire for respect and status as a carrot to evoke positive changes."
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Hahaha - perfect title for a paper about narcicists!
Then would someone please inform our Fearless Leader, Mr. Obama that we are tired of his speeches...
We are tired of Boehner.
Your welcome Real Life.
KMA
How can you talk about narcissism and not mention Obama?
Well, I could mention Cheney or Bush II? They are much more classic narcissists than Obama.
How do you get that? I'm not a fan of either, but how did you come to this conclusion? I don't care for Boehner either, but he's not always on TV lying to me either.
How in the love of god do you justify THAT statement?! Bush and Cheney, bigger narcissists than Obama!!!!! Are you out of your mind?! Neither you, nor the author of this idiotic article have any idea the characteristics of a true narcissist.
Classic bias in the construct of this study. 110 people (COLLEGE STUDENTS NO LESS), and we are supposed to believe that there are not one, but MANY, actual, clinical, narcissists in the group. College students are supposed to believe in themselves and defend their ideas. That's how you eventually compete to figure out where you stack up against your peers, and determine how best to make your way into a profession or start a business. Grade inflation is a problem in schools, and over-categorizing personality disorder and over-diagnosing mental illness is a growing problem in our country.
Cheney is the epitome of a narcissist. He's right and everyone else is wrong and it's just a pity they don't see the flaws in themselves!
A true narcissist is lazy, and takes credit for others work. They spend way too much time in front of the mirror. They are very sweet, and then alternately rancid and vitriolic at those who disagree with them.
They surround themselves with weak people.
Cheney nor Bush fit this model at all. Obama fits it to a T.
Lol, ya'll are ridiculous. Just look at yourselves...." Obama is! No Cheney is! No Obama is! "
*facepalm*
Totally moronic. - I'm of the belief that narcissism is a prerequisite for anyone who wishes to run for the Presidency.
Shulack is 100% correct. During the first couple of Presidential elections the common sentiment was the the desire to be President made you an undesirable candidate. Washington of course believed it and actually behaved that way. Surprisingly, so did John Adams and Jefferson and Madison thought him a naive fool while they raucously campaign under false names.
Finding a narcisist in politics is easier than finding salt water in the Pacific. This automatic criticism of your opposing party without evaluating your own side will be the ruin of the Republic if it is not put in check a little bit.
Thankfully I am too perfect to be narcissistic. ;-)
Good. Then they understand why I ignore them, don't want to be friendly, and want nothing to do with them.
Obama is the most annoying of the annoying.
He had to have been the subject of / inspiration for this study.
Mr. Obama is not a narcissist, in fact in person I bet you would find him quite pleasant. A ture narcissist acts like Glenn Beck and /or Dick Cheney---they clearly are of the opinion that they know it all and they could care less what anyone thinks of them. As they age Narcissists tend towards paranoia, Why? Because they truly do not understand why everyone doesn't agree with them, but they also know or suspect that a great number of people may be out to get them. They forget completely how many people they have been vindictive to, or took out their revenge on!
This does not describe Obama?
A great number? I'd guess somewhere upwards of three hundred million on this continent...
sounds like Obama....
Again, DEFINITELY more Cheney and Bush II than Obama. Come on guys.
I'm no fan of either, certainly not Cheney, but neither are narcissists. There are plenty of other bad things you can call them, but Obama has this one to himself.
Ben, You have not made a single argument to support your statements.
Here you go with a few examples of why Obama is a narcissist:
Obama lies, and when he lies, he lies big. One example is that the economy is turning around and on the grow. Today the CBO adjusted their growth estimates down 2012 a full percentage, and estimate unemployment will remain at or above 9%. He is not being truthful, but is instead trying to get his "believers" to follow him in his delusion.
Obama is always dressed to the T, never a word, a smile or a gesture out of place. Everything is measured. He is never himself, he is like an actor playing himself. This is why he pauses so often. He has to constantly think about how to say what he is thinking or reading off of the teleprompter.
He constantly attacks the other party while calling for a new tone. This makes no sense. If he wants a new tone, he would be the logical one to start this. Again, delusional, and cannot resist attacking his enemies. Classic Narcissist.
Taking credit for others work. Do I really need to explain this?
Lazy - not in the classic sitting on the couch sense, but in the bigger sense that he gives great speeches, but does not appear to actually know what he is talking about.
I can't wait to see him debate the Republican nominee, because this year he is not going to be dealing with John McCain, he will be dealing with Romney or the Texan, both very capable and not prone to twitching.
My ex-wife was a classic narcissist, so I recognize the beast.
Bush was way to comfortable looking like an idiot, and Cheney was way too serious to be a serious narcissist.
.
It's obvious to me, but maybe not to you - that the President is doing what a President does and attempting to instill a sense of optimism in the people. Consumer confidence is a primary driver of any economy, and constant negativity does nothing but perpetuate harm. Would you rather have him up there talking about how we're all gonna end up in the poor house and scraping for food?
Really? What about all the flubs and gaffs people call him on... are those planned? haha.
Like every politician and a lot of viners....
Narcissists just don't care what you think, their opinion matters more than your opinion. That is why they are narcissists. Again with the studies of the obvious.
Sounds like Gadahfi personality.
True narcisists probably don't, they basically sociopaths, but the run-of-the-mill jerkoffs that they probably used in this study, care ALL about what you think. They care more about what you think of them than they do of themselves. They're very insecure people.
Doesn't work. My father is quite possibly the biggest narcissistic bastard to walk the earth. Add that to being an alcoholic and the fun doesn't stop. His behavior and treatment of me and my family finally got so bad that I have completely cut ties with him and he is not welcome in my house. I don't believe he knows he's obnoxious.....not in the least. I wish that were true because then I might be able to believe he was at least part human. As it stands, thanks to his narcissistic personality and general cruelty to others....the next time I see him will be at his funeral...to make sure he's dead.
I believe that behavior crosses into the sociopath realm.
Having been a divorce for over 1 1/2 years with a person diagnosed with narcissitic personality disorder traits (axis 2), I know alot about living with one. 20 years of H---. I tried everything!!! and that is an understatement. I just about drove myself crazy trying to "help" him or 'get thru to him". It's impossible because these people simply do NOT care about anything but themselves. They don't care if they are not like, it's like others have said, they just think you're jealous. I was told to research it because I needed to learn to deal with it and understand it so I could move on. It was amazing how clear it became because I could pinpoint incident after incident that proved his narcissism.
@Wakehead, you are right. I have found several websites that go into this. Many think there is no difference between a true narcissist and a psycopath and that the two types should be "merged" in indentification. Actually, my soon to be ex is actually more correctly aligned with the psycopathic characteristics in one list that I compared.
Whatever you do, if you are able, get these people out of your life or limit their unhealthy position in your life.
Sally I couldn't tell if I was reading your post or my own. My experience and relationship (now lack thereof) are identical to yours.
Except I hadn't thought about showing up to make sure he's dead. Great idea.
-R
The best relationship to have with a narcissist is..... NONE!
When I told my husband that he was a narcissist, he asked what it meant. I told him and what was his response? "Cool, there's a word just for me."
You just made that up. That is funny though.
No, it's true. My hubby is kind of a first rate azz-whole.
The researchers originally tried to run the study at Yale, but couldn't find a large enough control group of healthy people. ;-)
this article doesn't speak to the depth of sociopathy a narcissist is capable of.
life suckers, almost all, some to such an extent and with such deception that could be classified as other than human
Narcissists, energy vampires,... Fashion words of the moment. These are very hateful words, very typical of 'the intolerance', and the 'judging of the others' times that we live in, to compare one's self with others, instead of raising the bar with one's own abilities. Why is this necessary? It's almost like scapegoating, especially in and out of relationships/divorces. Are those that do this name calling, are they not guilty of the same? They have the holiness, the sanctity and purity about them, while all the others are narcissists... Losers!
Sounds to me like Luciferian might well be a narcissist. The term "narcissist" comes from Narcissus--a figure in a Greek myth who fell in love with his own reflection in a pond and sat their and pined away because he couldn't have someone as beautiful as himself (while a nymph who loved him had already died because he did not return her love). It is hardly a "fashion word of the moment"--as it has been around for a very long time. The term "energy vampire" is a comic one--relating to those who suck down one's energy.
A person who has a very low ability to tolerate criticisms tends to be narcissistic--the problem with the narcissist personality is that, though this is a personality disorder which causes families and workplaces to be dysfunctional, the narccisist virtually never gets treatment because the problem (from the narcissist's point of view) is not the narcissist him or herself, but the people around him/her. It is quite characteristic that a narcissist cannot stand having his/her own behavior clinically described in negative terminology (one can't use positive terminology for something that is so negative and destructive) and thinks that his/her own behavior should be described in the glowing terms in which s/he seems him/herself. That's the whole problem with narcissists.
Notice that the goal of this piece--stated at the end--is to figure out how to deal with narcissists. One can, by appealing to the vanity and self-interest of such people, manage them . . . sometimes. Sociopaths, on the other hand, basically can't be managed--one should just get away from them. It is good to be able to distinguish between the narcissist (who sometimes actually does have some skills that are useful) and the sociopath--a narcissist can be managed and dealt with and lived with. Not a sociopath.
If you have a personality disorder, Luciferian, and if you are being sincere in your posting it is likely that you do--then don't expect it to be described in glowing or even in sympathetic terms. Narcissists are among the most difficult persons with disorders to deal with--and saying so does not mean that I am running myself up a flagpole as perfect but simply trying to understand the difficult people in my own life. Narcissists criticize others as a means of running themselves up a flagpole--that behavior isn't characteristic of others, and projecting it on others really says more about you than anything else.
Lucifer not much in the way of humility I see. I think Bean@home pretty much nailed it. But I bet you'll disagree.
@choirboy and Bean
Your both horribly completely wrong. Luciferian is right. The people that obsess over placing people into categories...well, they belong in a category. There are strong people in this world, and their are weak people. You two strike me as weak people, constantly trying to find taglines to assign to people to explain their own failures. Since you love terminology so much, it's called being passive-aggressive
Now this is funny. "Strong people" and "Weak people"....
Looks like we got another Bean!
If President Obama is a narcissist, what is George W. Bush? This was the guy who thought nothing of empty out the US Treasury to make himself Numero Uno with his rich bois. No swagger, swagger, boom, boom from President Obama. No double talk me, me, me...no My Way or the Highway...No Mission Accomplished...Just lots and lots and lots of super-effectiveness the Repubby Bois are soooooooooo jealous of. Can't touch our squeaky clean president when their idea is a former boozer, who impregnates a college sweetheart, gets Big Daddy to bail him out of a Princeton jail while he leaves his college buddies there to rot overnight and then voile! He finds God who speaks to him and him alone.
No....Republican men aren't narcissists. They just drip women like they're arm candy, can't allow any woman to get ahead of them and they love their guns that are supposed to substitute for the raisins in their jeans.
You make no sense. Except on one point. Republicans attract real women because Democratic women are in fact men. Annoying, narcissistic men who vastly overvalue their worth.
Everyone has met a narcissist or two in their lives. These are the creeps who think they are Masters of the Universe and have more rights than others. Daycare didn't help this syndrome either. These twerp narcissists weren't raised by their parents in a home. They were second choice to a McMansion and shuffled off every day at 6 AM to a staff of strangers where they had to fight for attention. Now, it's their legacy of affluenza that allows them to destroy the rights of others...But let's not judge these poor innocent helpless victims of naricissim, right? BS BS BS.
StangSalie ,Wow an alcoholic narcissisist. Sounds like double trouble. As a recovering alcoholic myself I've never been accused of both. I would ususally just go pass out some where after blabbing a little too much. I hope and pray he can get the help he needs. I've been sober for 11mo now and hope the best for your Father.
@ choirboy, congrats on sobriety and continued good luck with that. But yes, an alcoholic narcissist is very common. Addictions are a common trait with narcissist because they use drugs & alcohol to cope with the "reality" that they can't cope with. Married to one for 20 yrs. And no, you cannot help them, I learned to my detriment. I'm escaping and hope to find some peace away from him
@ Luciferian. LMAO! Look in the mirror or at the paragraph you just wrote. Obviously it hit to close to home for you. If someone is in any sort of a relationship with a narcissists it is important for them to know. Self absorption and complete lack of compassion or empathy of another human being can extremely draining on anyone. Their sense of entitlement is pathetic. The truth about a narcissists is they really are not confident at all. The just pretend to be. They are fakes. However, it may take a while for them to realize it. Usually that will happen when they realize that they can't keep friends or lovers. Everything is always someone else's fault. They can never admit they are wrong. Energy vampires are right. Steer clear people.
Yeah, how narcissistic of Obama to give payroll tax cuts along with the extension of tax cuts for the rich that republcians wanted. The payroll tax cut that republicans want to expire because it "costs too much". What planet are you from?
The only problem is O'Bagger is in a position to due more harm to this great Country. (because of his disorder)
The only problem is O'Bagger is in a position to due more harm to this great Country. (because of his disorder)
The headline should have read: Narcissists know they're annoying, and do not care if anyone else does not like it.
The study author seems surprised by the finding. The Narcissism is not a defect in the person that they have no control over and no amount of study will ever find a cure for it, because it is an act of free will,among people with no regard for anyone other than themselves. Great for them but annoying to the rest of the people around them, which is fine by them.
I have a child who has had the same amount of attention as her sibs and yet it is never enough hence her current willful love of herself is the only way she gets all that extra that others will not give her. But on the up side she is never lonely as long as she has her best friend with her at all times which would be herself of course. It also has allowed her to advance herself to a greater degree than her sibs and be quite a bit more successful as well. So for every negative quality there are unintended positive results just as for every well meaning act of cooperative consideration of others there is an unintended negative result.
Like that article a while back about how rude people make more money.
Most politicians may not start out this way but the power lures them down the path. That and a legion of YES men and women.
A hyper inflated ego is a prerequisite for all politicians. A flaw in our system.
Giving them what they desire to evoke positive change? Status and respect? How stupid can you be? Let's promote the self serving a-hole that makes everyone around them uncomfortable and miserable to someone in charge! The correct solution is to minimize their presence and influence in decision making and impact on others around them because the narcissist can't make a decision in the best interest of anyone or anything but themselves first.
I think this article takes true narcissism too lightly. Someone who is egotistical is not always a true narcissist. It really belittles people who have lived with people like this.
If you told a true narcissist that they were a narcissist they'd deny it. If you told them they seemed to think they were better than other people, of course they would agree and see no problem with it. They would see that it's obvious that people resent them for it. They see no reason why they shouldn't be revered for the person that they are.
Egotistical people can be wrong, they can even truly feel sorry for something. Narcissists can't. A Narcissist can call you a bitch for not answering a question right away and you can call them annoying and impatient and YOU are the one who was offensive, rude, and YOU owe them an apology.
I have dealt with a real narcissist. She's my mother in law. And before people think I'm saying that because she's a monster in law, trust me when I say it's more than the daughter in law syndrome. She text-ed through our wedding, stayed at a hotel 45 minutes away, skipped our rehearsal/rehearsal dinner to get her nails done, spent the 30 minutes with us getting dressed saying how beautiful she looked and ignored her daughter (my wife) completely, and then had the nerve to tell us we were rude to her, ignored her, and owed her an apology for not spending enough time with her for the three days she was in town.
The damage a person like this does to a child is not a joke. It is an abusive relationship. Its not something that's taught by neglectful parents- Narcissism is an incurable sickness. These people aren't just arrogant they're monsters. They make you feel like the bad guy, they make you feel worthless, unaccomplished, and ugly. They can't be bothered to remember your name unless you worship them.
Again, don't mix these people up with egotistical pricks you meet every day.
You have my sympathy to have to deal with a monster like that.
No, the two should not be mixed up. However, a missed point is that contemporary society has become substantially more narcissistic than at almost any time in the past and so now the boundaries of egoism and narcissism are blurring.
I disagree slightly.
I think narcissists know that people are annoyed by them, but assume it's because those people are jealous of their wit, good looks, and success. Of course people feel irritated when confronted by a perfect human! It makes them think about how imperfect they are!
Sweet, you validated the article.
ewent - Some of us have no choice but to put our children in daycare, because we have to have two incomes to support that child. I live in a mobile home, not a McMansion. My husband is a prison guard, whom, in case you didn't know, our lovely governor who is now running for president has said do not deserve a pay raise because "a trained monkey could do the job". My husband puts his life on the line every day for peanuts in pay, and I HAVE to have a job to supplement it. We have one child. One car payment of less than $250 a month. No cable, internet, satellite, Nintendo or other game systems, nothing but talk capabilities on our cell phones that we have in case of health emergencies on the part of our elderly parents. We saved for over five years and finally last year got a badly-needed new roof put on our house that is almost 20 years old. How dare you lump us in with a bunch of yuppies who just "needed" a career to "define themselves" and "be their own person" at the expense of their children? There ARE parents out there who would love nothing more than to be able to be home with their kids, and be home when they get home from school, who HATE putting their children in daycare, but have no other choice. So think before you speak next time.
You are right Stang Sally I tried that as well you don't bargain with terrorists. All my family members are extreme narcissists. I stated to become successful in the construction business and my family members all threatened to kill me unless I signed all my assets over to them and told all their friends everything I had came from them and that I was incapable of functioning. I told them I wanted to move to Arizona and they said that would ruin the family's reputation because people would think I hated them. My family demanded I stop working hard and saving my money and spend some on them, well my brother had me buy him an offshore race boat and kept the money after forcing me to take it out of my investment portfolio, and costing me many tens of thousands of dollars in a couple of weeks, My family had their realtor pick me a home in very exclusive area, and my sister in the loan business had a short term juice loan written to offset the boat losses as I had intended just to pay cash for a home. Trapped in the home I decided to remodel it to offset losses, as soon as completed my family seized it through bank of America trust. And many neighbors, police, judges etc. rammed into my vehicles, attacked me, started fights, and arrested me on false charges. Well I put $400,000 in labor and materials into the home and they had the realtor claim the next owner had bought a fixer upper and rehabbed it.
My sister claims there is a conspiracy against her in the modeling world and that she is by far the world's most beautiful woman she was a cocaine whore, My brother pretends to be a movie star with a flock of women following him he drinks all day heavily, my mother claims to be a self made millionaire truth is she squandered the money from my real fathers divorce and hundreds of thousands from my stepfather and is drunk almost every day, my stepfather claimed to be a doctor and WGN news announcer with DR. on his checks, and WGN 9 on his license, he was a millionaire insurance salesman, my father acts like an international billionaire, he drinks heavily almost every day although he does have apparently a few tens of millions, and a half dozen residences in exclusive gated communities.
My family claimed I was mentally ill to think I could compete with them and I would die of stress trying to compete with them or manage to succeed by blind luck and deprive them of being remembered as millionaires that left me a fortune. I have been falsely arrested so many times I have a stack of tickets and court appearances as thick as a phone book, and yet my brother and sister who had armed violence, burglary, break-ins, forced abortions, drugs, prostitution, auto theft, beating up police, etc. a rap sheet a mile long have had it all expunged, and the police ran me out of town and told me not to pursue the fraud.
I earned every dime fair and square and legally, they keep ranting about how no one ever gets rich or gets what they want without lying, cheating stealing. So feeding their ego to appease them can literally get you killed, in the funny farm, in prison, or homeless. Only when I was finally living in my car with a broken leg, were they satisfied they had vanquished the threat to their vanity saying finally now I understand what they have to go through every day. Couple quotes from my mother "who do you believe me or the dictionary"
"I love sitting up high bossing people around in my SUV and if the government want to kill a few million Arabs to give me that right that's good for me"
They are very aware, spiteful, revengeful, and plot long range, in my opinion they are like dogs that will push away others to be the top dog, failing that they will get the pack to attack them, at least some will kill you or have you falsely imprisoned, or committed. Appeasing them is used as evidence against you, it only enables them, validates them and justifies thier actions for others.
You are right Stang Sally I tried that as well you don't bargain with terrorists. All my family members are extreme narcissists. I stated to become successful in the construction business and my family members all threatened to kill me unless I signed all my assets over to them and told all their friends everything I had came from them and that I was incapable of functioning. I told them I wanted to move to Arizona and they said that would ruin the family's reputation because people would think I hated them. My family demanded I stop working hard and saving my money and spend some on them, well my brother had me buy him an offshore race boat and kept the money after forcing me to take it out of my investment portfolio, and costing me many tens of thousands of dollars in a couple of weeks, My family had their realtor pick me a home in very exclusive area, and my sister in the loan business had a short term juice loan written to offset the boat losses as I had intended just to pay cash for a home. Trapped in the home I decided to remodel it to offset losses, as soon as completed my family seized it through bank of America trust. And many neighbors, police, judges etc. rammed into my vehicles, attacked me, started fights, and arrested me on false charges. Well I put $400,000 in labor and materials into the home and they had the realtor claim the next owner had bought a fixer upper and rehabbed it.
My sister claims there is a conspiracy against her in the modeling world and that she is by far the world's most beautiful woman she was a cocaine whore, My brother pretends to be a movie star with a flock of women following him he drinks all day heavily, my mother claims to be a self made millionaire truth is she squandered the money from my real fathers divorce and hundreds of thousands from my stepfather and is drunk almost every day, my stepfather claimed to be a doctor and WGN news announcer with DR. on his checks, and WGN 9 on his license, he was a millionaire insurance salesman, my father acts like an international billionaire, he drinks heavily almost every day although he does have apparently a few tens of millions, and a half dozen residences in exclusive gated communities.
My family claimed I was mentally ill to think I could compete with them and I would die of stress trying to compete with them or manage to succeed by blind luck and deprive them of being remembered as millionaires that left me a fortune. I have been falsely arrested so many times I have a stack of tickets and court appearances as thick as a phone book, and yet my brother and sister who had armed violence, burglary, break-ins, forced abortions, drugs, prostitution, auto theft, beating up police, etc. a rap sheet a mile long have had it all expunged, and the police ran me out of town and told me not to pursue the fraud.
I earned every dime fair and square and legally, they keep ranting about how no one ever gets rich or gets what they want without lying, cheating stealing. So feeding their ego to appease them can literally get you killed, in the funny farm, in prison, or homeless. Only when I was finally living in my car with a broken leg, were they satisfied they had vanquished the threat to their vanity saying finally now I understand what they have to go through every day. Couple quotes from my mother "who do you believe me or the dictionary"
"I love sitting up high bossing people around in my SUV and if the government want to kill a few million Arabs to give me that right that's good for me"
They are very aware, spiteful, revengeful, and plot long range, in my opinion they are like dogs that will push away others to be the top dog, failing that they will get the pack to attack them, at least some will kill you or have you falsely imprisoned, or committed. Appeasing them is used as evidence against you, it only enables them, validates them and justifies thier actions for others.
Greg Collins-1509695, most of all, do not let hate take you over. Realize that the hater switches places with the hated, or in other words, if I hate something I hate myself in effect.
I never had such serious problems with family, but we have never been very close either. My opinion is that, with the exception of the one's who directly lied about you and stole from you, you should still stay in contact with your relatives, albeit very seldom - such as on only major holidays, or the most major occasions. Or, may be just phone calls once a year. But it is your decision again, as each year passes.