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Subscribe to RSSGiven the choice, you probably prefer your home porcelain throne to using a public toilet. But for more than 20 million people in North America, peeing in a public restroom is no simple matter.
People with a "shy bladder," a real condition also known as paruresis, are fearful of urinating when other people are nearby.
"What people worry about is being in a bathroom near other people and not being able to urinate, and that others will notice and form judgements about them -- that they're weird, defective, inferior, or for men, not masculine," says Carl Robbins, director of training for the Anxiety and Stress Disorders Institute of Maryland in Baltimore, who has worked with paruresis patients for more than 20 years.
There's a tremendous amount of shame and embarrassment because sufferers feel they can't urinate like everyone else so they keep it a secret and may go to great lengths to hold it in.
"Probably my worst experience was going to the Brickyard 400 [a 400-mile NASCAR race] with coworkers and customers -- and holding it in for 14 hours," says Brian Beatty, a 51-year-old machine shop manager from Munster, Ind. "While this sounds incredible, this is an everyday reality for individuals with a shy bladder."
Beatty further explains that the two most common avoidance techniques used by those with a "bashful bladder" are to limit fluid intake and to hold it until you can reach a "safe" bathroom. Before he sought help for this social phobia, Beatty couldn't urinate in a public restroom unless he was the only one in there or in a closed stall.
"My major issue is privacy, so standing next to someone at a urinal is difficult," Beatty admits. "I'm not totally sure what brought this on but there are a couple of childhood incidents of embarrassment by friends and bullying in the school restroom that come to mind."
That's a common story. In his experience as a therapist, Carl Robbins says about 50 percent of the paruresis patients he sees can identify some traumatic or stressful incident -- being bullied in the bathroom or pressured by parents -- where they couldn't urinate in a public restroom.
This creates a vicious cycle of fear of not being able to go, which causes urinary sphincter muscles to tighten up, and the fear itself makes it even harder to urinate in public. (And, yes, there is a "shy bowel" syndrome, too. Interestingly, people with shy bladder can usually do No. 2 in a public restroom.)
"It's clearly a mind-body problem," says Robbins, "you need to interrupt the self-perpetuating cycle of fear."
Steven Soifer is familiar with that fear. He suffered in silence with shy bladder for three decades before stumbling upon an article about it in a woman's magazine. These days, Soifer, an associate professor at the University of Maryland School of Social Work in Baltimore, is working to raise awareness of the issue as CEO of theInternational Paruresis Association, a nonprofit educational organization he founded 15 years ago.
Soifer says that men, women, and children suffer equally from shy bladder, and that situations where people lack privacy when urinating -- workplace drug testing, the military, prisoners -- can be nightmarish for paruretics.
Eighty to 90 percent of sufferers can get considerably better through cognitive-behavioral therapy, which gradually exposes people to their feared situation in small steps, says Soifer, author of "The Shy Bladder Syndrome."
The Association's website has online bulletin boards, treatment information, and lists of workshops, support groups, and therapists familiar with shy bladder.
"Shy bladder is a real disorder," says Soifer, "not something to be snickered about or laughed at."
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LOL! The desire for privacy is a disorder.
It is more along the lines of stage fright. Just like those people who freeze up on stage in front of an audience. People who have "shy bladder" freeze up in a bathroom if there are other people around. The second they are alone, the floodgates open and they can finally pee.
No, a severe anxiety that stronly interferes with the person's ability to use a public restroom is a disorder. Pay attention next time.
Shut it Junicon, restrict your comments to the article, not the posters.
Gotta agree with Junicon. It is about anxiety disorder, not a wish for privacy. No need to get all uppity about Junicon's comment.
I agree with Junicon too.
Take your own advice, Steve-2057180, before telling people to "shut it" here. And I think Junicon is right too.
"People with a "shy bladder," a real condition also known as paruresis, are fearful of urinating when other people are nearby".
The opposite of "other people near by" is PRIVACY. Therefore they are fearful of "not having privacy."
You four are all incorrect.
Steve's got it 100% correct. It's a condition brought on by overbearing (and generally clueless) mothers.
Steve-
The reason you keep being called out for being so self-righteous is that you are making fun of the behavior that is a manifestation on an underlying disorder. Everyone has simply been trying to enlighten you.
A shy bladder/colon or what have you is no more funny than Parkinsons patient that wobbles their arm uncontrolably, a limp on someone with a club foot, grandma/grandpa wearing Depends because they can't get to the bathroom fast enough, or a "retarded" person that talks funny.
If you still find it funny, there's a call on hold for you...it's the stone age and they've got your club waiting for you.
You are TOTALLY missing my point of view! I think it is ridiculous to call it a medical condition when I consider the desire for privacy to be extremely civilized behavior. I do not see the need to have some privacy as a condition to be corrected.
Hey hey, play nice, now, kids.
It took the military for me to get over this.... it was weird though because I am not a shy person really, and could care less if someone saw me taking a wizz. But for some reason I get shy bladder when standing at an exposed urinal or open trough like in some places.
Whenever they did Urinalysis, there would be a security guy standing right next to you and watching you... I mean literally looking at your unit and making sure it wasn't one of those wizzinator's (realistic fake phallus with an attached pocket for clean urine). They are pretty deceptive. But since I HATED just standing there being like "duhhhh" I finally got to the point where I learned to flex my muscles and basically "push" the flow out... and once I got going I was usually fine. After awhile of doing this, I no longer seemed to have the problem and could urinate normally....
I think it basically boiled down to pressure, not privacy, that did it. The feeling like I had to urinate on command, that the guy next to me would notice I was just standing there and not urinating... that's what stopped me up... not so much shyness. Once I knew that I could literally force myself to urinate at any time, the pressure went away and I no longer had to bother forcing.
Actually Steve, you're incorrect. The condition mentioned having the issue with people nearby. It mentions nothing about needing total privacy. I've known a few people who can pee in a stall but not in a urinal. Yes, there is an appearance of privacy due to stall walls, but it's still a public bathroom and therefore not private.
Actually I suffer from this and its terrable. I can't go pee or poop in an area that I'm not used to or if other people are in a close distance or they may be able to hear me. It is emabarassing and it makes me feel stupied. I could not even go pee when I was in the hospital in my own room. If there is noise, such as a fan or music I can sometimes do it. I know this sounds gross but I could push till my eyeballs pop out but no poop will come out, and to make matters worse I have IBS. I thank God for stores that and other places that have family bathrooms cause I can go. Other wise I have to run to my car and drive like crazy to get to the nearest "safe" bathroom. Trust me when you are 5 hours from home and IBS hits its pure HELL!!!!! I've had this happen and ended up crying and pucking the whole way home, and so mad at myself for not being able to do the deed. I know a lot of you are laughing, thats ok, I laugh at myself to when I'm not crying from frustration. Go ahead and let me have your worst, my husband does, it drives him crazy and he yells at me which makes it worse.
Maybe my Book can Help You.
I wrote a book 4 years ago about SHY BLADDER and published it in English Language a while ago.
at BOLDBLADDER COM you might find the answer.
Regards
I applaud Cari for writing/posting this article! Very brave, yet mentions a condition that I suffer from: shy bowel syndrome. Not only do I notice every person that enters a public restroom, I will also go to great lengths to 'hold it' until I can get home to privacy. I also can't help but to think of all of the germs and bacteria that lurk inside the public restrooms, and fear of what all could wind up on me when I even enter one. At home, I feel more in control since I know how often I take the Lysol can to my bathroom (and toilet seat)!
This over reaction to germs is doubtless why so many of us are allergy prone. Whether it be hand sprays, towel wipes, or--worst of all--an all out attack by an anal-retentive parent, none of it is helping your child. Relax, by allowing children to play in the dirt, he/she is building up an immunity that will last them a lifetime! Just keep them away from the chemicals you've got stored around the house!
Tatt is right, germophobia will do nothing but make your children even more sick because they will never build the proper immunities. Wash up before meals and after using the bathroom, dont be picking your nose or rubbing your eyes with dirty fingers - and you will be fine. Sanitizing beyond that is overkill and harmful.
Drink two or three beers, it'll free up your inhibitions (make you a little alcohol brave) and make it easier to pee.
Eric in oregon,
You would think that drinking would lossen you up enough to be able to pee at least, but I was at a guys house and we were sorta on a date. I had to pee very bad, we were drinking, I thought ok I will drink a little more and that should help. NOOOO after 6 beers and multiple trips to the bathroom, and even letting the water run, "yep I tried that trick to" no pee came out! I think the guy thought there was something really wrong with me like stomach flu or something cause the later it got the farther away he sat. This was the one time I drove home drunk, cause I had to pee and I could not do it at his house.
I used to suffer from this. And I still recall when I first found out about it: I was at a concert, I went to the bathroom during the intermission (and I REALLY had to go!) and I absolutely could not go. The bathroom was full of people and I just could not bring myself to let it out. I ended up holding it through the rest of the concert and until I got home.
I actually got over this over time. I just conditioned my mind to be able to do it. I can't really say exactly how I got over it, but it really is a mind-body problem. I just worked my way through it. But it can be done without therapy if you are suffering from it.
I still don't like using a public restroom if somebody else is in it, but that's mainly because I don't want to be in there and listen to them do their business. But at least if I have to go, I can go.
To those who suffer, here's a suggestion. Use a stall! Sit down and go. I'm sure it is a lot less nerve-racking than standing next to others.
I'm a woman so I always sit down to go. I still hate going to public toilets. Have you seen how filty those seats are, even the ones in women's rooms? Some of those women are not bothering to either sit down or aim and then they walk out without cleaning up the filth they leave on the seats. Not all of the filth is liquid either. I'm not cleaning up after someone else or sitting on those seats.
Then there are these really chatty women that think a visit to the ladies room is a social event and they should get to know everyone in there. I have replied to questioning by simply flushing but that still doesn't give them the idea that I'm there for something other than learning their life story. Sometimes going to the restroom is more like an interrogation. What's next? A waterboarding station next to the diaper changing area?
That's why wipes should always be in the purse! I've got to admit, it never ceases to amaze me how filthy the restrooms can get. I'd sure hate to go over to their houses and see what they look like. When traveling, I find that McDonalds generally has the cleanest restrooms.
Yes, what is with the social hour in the restroom? Drives me up the wall. And cell phones too! Ugh!
Who knows, maybe the Chinese have it right with their "squat" toilets. The gods know I've had to squat on more than one occasion, as I wasn't about to put my butt on the seat.
Still, it would seem to me that using a stall would be a solution for those poor guys.
I was tailgating before a college football game and the nearest restrooms were set up w/ 20-30 urinals w/o privacy walls and only 2 stalls. The line for a stall was at least 30 minutes. I was definitely not the only guy w/ this problem. I ended up having to hold it until we could get into the stadium where the urinals had privacy walls.
I'm a woman and I have this. The bathroom has to be empty or maybe one person I know in another stall. Even at work I have to talk myself into it if someone else comes in or is in there when I have to go.
I can go anyplace, anytime, anywhere.
The world is my toilet.
(as long as we're sharing and all)
Steve-2057180 YOU are missing the point....it has nothing to do with wanting privacy. It has to do with not being able to go with other people around . Some people cant even go when there are no other people around. They need to be home or some other familiar place that they feel comfortable.
What about "bashful colon"!? Years ago, I shared a beach house with two young women who absolutely would not/could not crap while staying at the house pretty much every weekend). You can imagine how miserable they were during long weekends!
I pride myself on being able to take a quick dump anywhere, any time! And am proud that my young son carries on the tradition.
I can relate to those women - I usually don't do number 2 outside of my house unless it is a real emergency, so I definitely envy you
I think this is very real for alot of people although I used to suffer from both this and not able to do #2 in public either.I used to worry about bursting in public...I finally got over #1 by picturing the tiles of my bathroom floor and closing my eyes and ears,still cannot do #2 maybe because I find bathroom humor sooo funny!Most of the time if a woman goes into the stall next to me and lets out a toot I have to leave with a quickness because otherwise i would laugh at her
Maybe people are also afraid of using public bathrooms because they are usually so disgusting.
I can only conclude that those people with "paruresis" think they're special in some way.....or that anybody else cares. Both cases are ridiculous, they might try taking a valium every once in a while so they can worry about important stuff.
Being perfect like you must be so nice. Congrats! Jerk.
You apperently need the valium since you have enough worry to concern yourself with other people's problems and give unsolicited advice/judgements about things you clearly KNOW NOTHING about and has absolutely no effect on you whatsoever!
Newsvine is nothing BUT an exercise in "unsolicited advice/judgements" ! Relax.
Hear hear just-passin! You nailed it on this one. While we're on the subject, what's the deal with blind people? Always reading things in their special braille language. GET OVER YOURSELVES!
Don't even get me started on those bitchy Tourette syndrome poeple. Try saying some positive for once!
Perfect people unite!
Captain Perfect You need to do some reading up before you go shooting off your mouth, people with Tourettes don't always say words or curse, that is a very rare form of TS that T.V. likes to focuse on. My son has T.S. and because of his teacher making fun of him and inccuraging the class to do so, I found myself putting my 6 1/2 year old in the hospital for trying to hang himself. And don't give me crap about he shouldnt be so emotional or I should be a better parent cause I had him in counceling and had Special services do inservices for his school, and the teacher was just a witch who enjoyed tormenting him. Lucky for me the rope broke. Lucky for her I didnt break her neck!
Your post is really off topic (remember paruresis?), but nonetheless I wish you and him the best. The only experience I have with TS is my friend's bandmate who shoves a towel in his mouth to muffle the colorful language.
Please! If you have such a problem...stay home!
Drop dead.
Some guys who suffer with paruresis also struggle with homosexuality, or are openly gay. It has to do with the whole feeling of "real guys can stand up next to each other and pee" and is a rite of passage for most boys. I've dealt with unwanted same-sex attraction and was scared as a little boy going into public restrooms. I realize now that my shy bladder has been a symptom of my uneasiness around masculinity. Whether homosexual or not, there are breathing exercises for paruresis sufferers on youtube that I've found helpful in dealing with this issue.
So your saying guys who have this are gay?
"Some guys..." Not all.
Edwin, I find your theory that "some guys who suffer with paruresis also struggle with homosexuality" unfounded, based on a lot of research I've done on shy bladder syndrome. What makes you think this is so?
Carol, after talking to my counselor who specializes in the treatment of same-sex attraction disorders, he verified that he has had other male clients who struggle with paruresis. Also, I've read much material from Dr. Joseph Nicolosi, who is the modern authority on the treatment of unwanted SSA, and he also documents several cases. Of course, it's very politically incorrect to mention anything negative in connection with homosexuality, so I'm sure that's why you've never read anything about it.
Absolutely NO REASON why ANYONE SHOULD CARE...
It seems like "everyday" some moronic turd offers more pathetic EXCUSES to explain why "some people" are such pathetic losers... nothing but LAME attempts to rationalize LOSER BEHAVIOR.
You mean behavior like your post?
Nice. I hope you don't have kids.
As has been pointed out already, it's people like YOU that cause this condition in others. What a piece of shinola.
To jus-passin-thru:
From your response I see that you are an egotistical, self-involved, in-compassionate, thoughtless chump.
You no doubt think that all of your problems are "special" and "important and that everybody "cares" about them.
I hope you don't have any children because your personality type is the absolute worst for raising children and will cause them all sorts emotional problems in the future - Not that you'd care.
Agreed.
Guess what---I'm not special either. Boy do you people freak out---your assumptions are totally wrong, but I'm willing to bet you'd go a long way to defend them....
What's the stigma with "using a closed stall"? Frankly, sharing a row of urinals with coworkers is the scenario that feels weird to me, rather than preferring privacy.
Related problem I wish had been covered here: airplanes. With the small space and constant shaking, I can't go. I hate flying. I'm probably the only person who specifically avoids non-stop flights when booking a trip.
Your points are well taken. Some men apparently feel their masculinity is being threatened or report feeling shame and humiliation if they can't "pee like a guy". Interestingly enough, female shy bladder sufferers, like me, do not seem to feel the condition threatens their femininity.
Traveling on airplanes can be difficult under the best of circumstances but is especially hard for us paruretics. Many of us have developed elaborate coping techniques or learned to self-catheterize as a survival mechanism.
Help is available through the International Paruresis Association (IPA), a nonprofit organization dedicated to providing support for people with shy bladder syndrome.
I really don't know why I read these comment forums, as more often than not, they are filled with really hateful remarks from people who obviously have no compassion or empathy. However, I am not so sure this is a disorder as much as it is that some folks are more private than others. It becomes pathological when someone holds it for 14 hours. It's an anxiety disorder, and anxiety disorders are real, folks. They can paralyze you and prevent you from living a normal life. Anxiety disorders (such as OCD and panic attacks, and perhaps the condition in this article) are caused by biochemical imbalances in the brain - a physical condition. (Any psychologists out there reading this that will back me up?) I only wish that these compassion-deficient people could spend a day or two with this type of biochemical condition and then see how they feel when someone calls them a loser or tells them, "just pull yourself together." Then again, perhaps their own lack of compassion and empathy is symptomatic of their own biochemical imbalance, and I should have compassion and empathy for them (but this is very difficult).
I have no problems, but ever since I saw Ghostbusters I make sure to NEVER CROSS THE STREAMS
The hateful comments in here are one of the things the sufferers are afraid of.
Wow, I don't believe it. An article I can relate to. I used to have this problem and my two brothers still do. When we were in a bar together we used to monitor who was going in the men's room and who was coming out. It was a nightmare on weekends. In my head I'd be thinking, "o.k. 5 guys in and 2 guys out." We've been in bars for almost 30 years. (Taking time out to sleep of course) If I was already in full stream and someone came in I was o.k. If someone was there first I tried pushing it out but no matter how bad I had to go it wouldn't happen. About 13 years ago I was separated from my wife so I went out every night. That's what cured me. Like they say practice makes perfect. Now I can go even if they're having a party in there. My poor brothers still count "heads".
This has been a problem sense I was a baby. My Mom years later said she used to spank me for not going when she wanted me to, like long trips. The fear of looking over my shoulder for someone grabbing me gets stronger as I hold it. Some of the things that have help me over the years are quotes real friends have said. Like, how can something that feels so good hurt so much. I recently read to hold your breath for a few seconds helps many people. I have found that squeezing off the flow a second or two will help. Regular sex helps too. Masturbating seems to make it worse, so stop that if you have this problem. Stick with doing the things that help you feel normal. Try not to think about it so much, why worry? Good luck with it. Pee freely.
I generally can't do either in public, however at 28 I have learned a few tricks that make it easier to pee in public. I still won't go #2 in public outside of an emergency.
For me to go pee in public with others in the bathroom I will:
1) wait to be almost last
2) use a stall farthest from the greatest number of people
3) close my eyes, plug my ears and softly hum or listen to headphones (it helps me create the illusion that I am alone)
4) when all else fails, use the most inconviently located bathroom to minimize the likelihood of running into other people
Ladies, we have alot of incentive to figure out some coping skills. We're more likely to have incontinence issues because of our anatomy. Go pee when your body tells you to, or it will make you go a little ALL THE TIME and you will be well acquainted with Depends (and apparently TSA for that matter).
I just stand next to someone I hope wants to check me out! LOL
I turn the water on before entering a stall, it helps if no one can "hear" me. Sometimes in public restrooms, they store the "Bathroom being cleaned" sign right inside the door, I'll put that out infront of the door so no one comes in.
Missrn, I'm all for the "whatever works" methods you suggest in order to urinate. However, please be advised that what you describe are coping techniques.
As a woman who struggled with a severe case of shy bladder syndrome for many years, I recovered through a treatment program called Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (or CBT). The Cognitive part involves changing one's distorted thinking about bathrooms and the people we are likely to encounter in them ("I'm taking too long...what will she think about me?"). The Behavioral part involves learning and practicing graduated exposure techniques - gradually and repetitively attempting to urinate in the presence of others, in closer and closer proximity. CBT is often used to treat other phobias, e.g.,fears about driving across bridges or on highways.
Further information is available on the website of the International Paruresis Association, a nonprofit organization, or the website for Bathrooms Make Me Nervous.
I can't believe this! I have this! I am okay if I go into a stall, however. For me, it is a performance issue. It usually only happens in a full bathroom. For some reason, not matter how badly I have to pee, I need help with that first little squeeze out. Once I have a stream going, I am okay. I don't like making others wait, so I get anxious if I can't pee, and that just makes me tighten up more. I usually have to give up (pretend shake included!), and go into a stall. It helps if there are dividers between the urinals. Those community urinals are the worst of all.
And there is really nothing else wrong with me. I do not feel this anxiety in any other circumstances. Nice to know there are 20 million others like me out there.
I had a wildfire crewmember who had this problem. We were on the shuttle recovery in '03, and in the middle of a mile-square field where our trucks were parked. We were being reassigned to another part of the field with other crews, and returned to our trucks. Most of us took a quick wizz, but the young man couldn't.
However, we were repositioned more in the middle of the field, with 4 more crews[80 people] with us. Eventually he couldn't hold it any longer, and had to pee while everyone was searching the field around him. He almost died of terminal embarrassment, but his problem was slightly allieviated after that.
I suffer from this too. It does start because of bullying and incidents of the like. Once, in high school, I was kicked in the butt while peeing, and I've had issues ever since. I always have to use a stall in most public bathrooms, unless I know I will not be walked in on. I try to get by at work by taking breaks when I think no one else is. I softly make a noise like water about to come out of an air-filled faucet to get myself to start going. At least now I know I'm not weird; not the only one who suffers with this.
As you may guess, I'm a big fan of port-a-pottys! :)
If somebody kicks you in the butt while peeing, the appropriate response is to turn around (while still peeing) to see what's going on.
Try doing progressive multiplication! I too would lock up and not be able to let go when in a crowd and sometimes just by myself it would take forever, but have found that by doing 2x2 4, 4x4 16, 16x16 256, 256x256 65,536... I would finally be able to go. I think that once you get your mind to focus on doing the math, you stop thinking about the people around you or who may be coming into the bathroom and your body relaxes enough to allow you to go. This may not be sceintific, but it's been a usefull tool for me. Good luck!
This always worked for me, as well.
You describe a common distraction technique that works for some. However, if you have a serious case of shy bladder syndrome, it's not a reliable method.
I'll always opt for the stall if it's available, but the most helpful trick I've found when using a urinal in a pinch is to find something unique on the wall or floor to focus your attention on. Whether it be a chip in the paint or some dirty scribbles on the wall, something about drawing your focus from what you're doing makes a world of difference.
Depends, the adult diaper, might work too.
There's a trick I've used for this, doing math in your head - works every time.