A couple's touch reveals more than affection

By Cari Nierenberg

Many couples seem to have a secret language all their own: A certain glance, or laugh, or curl of the lip and you know exactly what your sweetie is thinking. But what happens if you let your fingers do the talking instead of facial expressions, sounds, or words?

A recent study finds that, apparently, romance trumps when it comes to communicating through touch. 

Scientists tested the idea and found that couples were better than strangers at using touch to convey feelings like envy and pride, which are considered more personal emotions that require a degree of familiarity.

In the study, researchers looked at how well touch could communicate 12 different emotions, ranging from anger and sadness to gratitude and sympathy.

Thirty twosomes, or 60 participants, took part in the experiment and ranged in age from 18 to 54. Twenty-six of the pairs were heterosexual and four were same-sex couples. On average, the duos had been together for a little more than two years.

In the research, published in the February issue of the journal Cognition and Emotion, participants sat at opposite sides of a table with a black curtain between them. One person, known as the decoder, placed his or her forearm beneath the curtain, while the other person, or encoder, communicated an emotion solely through touch.

Couples were grouped in foursomes, and the same encoder conveyed the emotions to both a romantic interest and a stranger. Decoders were told whether or not the touch came from their partner, and they also had a list of the 12 emotion words to make their guesses.

Although researchers suspected that people who were romantically involved would have the edge over strangers in distinguishing emotions through touch, "I was surprised that they were able to do so with emotions, such as envy and pride," says Erin H. Thompson, a research psychologist at the Institute of Psychiatry, King's College London, who led the study.

Envy and pride are very personal emotions that are hard to communicate with touch, yet couples could more accurately pick up on them, she says. Strangers had the most difficulty at communicating surprise, embarrassment, envy, and pride to each other.

"It's possible that couples share something unique in their communication that makes it easier for them to understand each other," says Thompson.

Further research needs to be done to learn whether other long-term relationships, such as siblings, close friends, or parents and children, are similarly successful at communicating through touch. 

"Touch can definitely speak volumes, and this research should encourage couples to be tactile with one another as a means of letting the other person know how they are feeling," Thompson points out.

A simple stroke on the shoulder, she explains, can mean, "I am here for you."

No words are required. And that's the magic of touch.

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Discuss this post

I agree! I've always felt that "touch" is a language all it's own!

  • 2 votes
Reply#1 - Tue Mar 8, 2011 1:21 PM EST

I agree also, the sad part is our country has almost banned touching, it may be inappropiate, especially with our children.

  • 3 votes
Reply#2 - Tue Mar 8, 2011 3:35 PM EST

I am trying to think of how I would touch my significant other to convey envy. Love, anger pride etc I think I know but envy...hmmm. I wonder were the recipients of the touches given the list so they would know what the choices were?

  • 3 votes
Reply#3 - Tue Mar 8, 2011 3:41 PM EST

"Decoders were told whether or not the touch came from their partner, and they also had a list of the 12 emotion words to make their guesses."

Yes

    #3.1 - Tue Mar 8, 2011 5:06 PM EST
    Reply

    My partner and I are very hands on. Whether it holding hands while shopping, a stroke of a cheek while watching TV together or putting an arm around me while doing dishes says mountains about the way someone cares about someone else. I'm a very lucky woman to have a man who's this way. Not sure about the envy, etc touch..

      Reply#4 - Tue Mar 8, 2011 3:47 PM EST

      I'm always touching my wife. Always.

      • 2 votes
      Reply#5 - Tue Mar 8, 2011 4:04 PM EST

      What about touch that includes painful impact at high velocity or leaves a hand print on your cheek?  I get a lot of those.

      • 1 vote
      Reply#6 - Tue Mar 8, 2011 4:05 PM EST

      Touch is the greatest of all the senses' , When sad or lonely a touch says it all ,

      Who doesn't like to be touched?

        Reply#7 - Tue Mar 8, 2011 5:08 PM EST

        Ron, LOL me too, usually when I touch areas that are better left to be touched in the bedroom. LOL

        • 1 vote
        Reply#8 - Tue Mar 8, 2011 5:12 PM EST

        Forty years of marriage, and 42 years of being together and not only is touch a form of communication for us but so is a look, unspoken sounds, body language, facial expressions, etc. Two become one in all we do! Why is this a scientific revelation? Old married couples always have their own forms of communication. Ever notice how couples who have been together for almost all their lives, pass away within a short time of each other?

          Reply#9 - Tue Mar 8, 2011 6:10 PM EST

          It's not that this is a scientific revelation. Instead, it's a controlled study that gives the same answers, and THAT offers the proof.

          The scientific methods requires controls (the other couple) and that the same method be applied to both groups of subjects. Yes, that also applies to studies of behaviour.

          And speaking of proof, there is none behind your final sentence.

            #9.1 - Tue Mar 8, 2011 10:46 PM EST

            Maybe not enough proof to satisfy a scientist, but my grandparents were married over 50 years and passed away of natural causes 36 hours apart. Actually, my grandmother passed away second, refused to speak after my grandfather died, and we all knew she believed life wasn't worth living without him. So old couples dying within a short time span isn't some silly romantic notion without substantiation. It actually happens.

              #9.2 - Wed Mar 9, 2011 4:11 AM EST
              Reply

              The most wonderful thing about it is the longer you are together the more this is true.

                Reply#10 - Wed Mar 9, 2011 2:21 AM EST

                Helen Keller was super romantic

                • 3 votes
                Reply#11 - Wed Mar 9, 2011 10:55 AM EST

                hogwash!

                  Reply#12 - Wed Mar 9, 2011 12:12 PM EST

                  I agree that the appropriate touch can be powerful and wonderful but sadly others prevent touch in order to hurt and manipulate. Touch is just another weapon in the power struggle for control.

                    Reply#13 - Fri Mar 11, 2011 12:49 PM EST
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