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Subscribe to RSSA quick love lesson, specifically for guys who like girls: If you're into a new lady, whatever you do -- don't let her know it. A new study using Facebook suggests that women are most attracted to dudes who play hard to get.
Researchers recruited 47 female undergraduate students at the University of Virginia, and the participants checked out four fake Facebook profiles of cute college boys (two white, one black and one Asian). The women were told that these were real guys, and that these guys had checked out and rated the women's own Facebook profiles. The study participants were told one of three things: Either the guys gave them high ratings, average ratings -- or the researchers told the volunteers that they couldn't reveal the ratings, for experiment-y purposes.
Turns out, that last category drove the women wild. The study participants filled out a survey rating how much they liked each guy, and then were asked how much each fella had "popped into their head." The women who didn't know what the (fake) guys thought about them rated those guys the highest -- even higher than the women who knew their (fake) guys were into them.
Lead author Erin Whitchurch, of the University of Virginia's psychology department, says that the idea for the study came to her while she was reading a women's magazine, and happened across conflicting dating advice between the covers of the same issue "In one story, it (was) saying that it's better to be honest about your attraction to a person, and in another (it was) saying the exact opposite, that it's better to 'play the game' so to speak," Whitchurch says.
"At about the same time, a very good friend of mine told me that after a year of seeing a guy, she still got butterflies," she continues. "I ... wondered if part of it was because despite the fact they had been seeing each other for so long, they never had 'the talk,' still only saw each other two or three times a week, never exchanged 'I love you's.' I wondered if she was still getting butterflies because she was still uncertain about their relationship status."
Although the study only included women, Whitchurch believes she'd get similar results were she to use male participants. But she knows the love lessons her research reveals can sometimes be hard to follow.
"My best friend absolutely hates my research, as she firmly believes in telling people how she feels," Whitchurch says. "While I agree that, in principle, that would be nice, I tell her to think about what she wants in the long-run. If it's the guy, then a little discomfort on her end, not being quite so open about her intentions and creating a little uncertainty will pay off tenfold."
When's the last time you played hard-to-get? How'd it work out?
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absolutely correct. women love to play games. the more drama, the better. its what keeps them going lol
And this is why I'm single. I don't do the game. I hate drama, and would rather have someone who is honest than anything else. If you're not interested don't waste my time. If you want my hot friend, if you've talked to me first to get her, we do compare notes. Eventually you'll get burned.
I agree with MOlly. I knew my gorgeous husband was into me right away and it was a short six months of every day, every hour of sweet nothings until we were married ( it was sickeningly sweet) Now, 17 years later ( we are 36 )we are still best friends and still madly in love. I tell him every single day how lucky I am to have him...... even after a day of work, laundry, dinner dishes and the kids homework. I will say he does seem a little more into sex if I play a little hard to get and then give into him madly. I think he still likes the hunt ---a little at least.
What ever happened to honesty?
We wonder why we have a divorce rate of 50%?
And the best thing is, you start an affair with a married man, you'll change him, and you are stunned when he goes out and has an affair on you?
Just goes to show you what simple minded creatures women are. Asking a woman what she wants in a man is like asking a 5 year old what he wants to be when he grows up "a zebra, no wait a fire truck.. no an Astronaut!". Women want from men what happens to be passing through their airy head at the moment then they complain they cant find a good man. Why cant women just be honest up front and say "I want to bed a man who acts like a criminal, looks like a model and treats me like crap but marry a honest man with a good job who will cater to my every whim, give me his whole paycheck while Im stepping out on him with the bad boy".
Solomon said it all; "There is nothing new under the sun.". When I was single, through most of my 20's., I was perpetually frustrated by this social game playing. As commenters above have asked; "What is wrong with plain old honesty?". I guess if one's goal is NOT to have a lasting relationship, then why start on an honest basis?
Real life experience: I finally found a lovely young lady, who was open, honest, vulnerable, and showed a genuine interest in the real me. So, I immediately started dating her. 3 weeks later, I told my family I was going to marry her. It took her another 8 months to come to the same conclusion. Our official engagement; 3 weeks. Married; 32 years and counting. Oh by the way, I made her a multimillionaire in the life process in between. She encountered some very serious crises during that time, and I will never leave her side, no matter what. Mostly, because she was simply herself and showed an interest in me.
To all of you that need to perform, manipulate, tease, or play some other idiotic game; what do you really want? When you get into your 60's, where are you going to find yourself?
It is kind of hard to say, "no matter what" when 50% of the relationships now days is being cheated on by the woman. Classic case of my own divorce, and many others that I have witnessed.
Same here.
When you hear "We need to talk,blah blah blah ....I'm confused" save yourself a lot of time and BS and go get an attorney.
Yea...A multimillionaire. Nice. That happens all the time. We can all compare ourselves to your very normal lifestyle and, therefore, relationship. ;-)
Thanks for sharing.
glaird I think that is wonderful (money or no money) Its about building a life and FAMILY with someone ----its about committing yourself completely to someone who shares your values, goals and ideas. It is hard work and sometimes it is no fun but totally worth it in the end.
Me: Happily married 17 years!
"Whitchurch believes she'd get similar results were she to use male participants."
Well now, being a male, it sounds like this female needs to stand on the other side of the fence some time.
One rabbi noted that the people who are best at dating tend to be the worst at marriage. Being good at marriage requires sincerity; being good at dating requires enjoyment of deceptive game-playing.
I think there may be a misinterpretation in the results of this study, or huge assumptions were made by the reseachers. When in the study it says the women "popped into their head", what is bc they wanted to date the guy or bc they thought the guy was a stalker. By the way, when they write, the last category was higher than all, is that one time more than others or something more statistically significant. Anyway, I think this is just a waste of time article for "Valentine's day." Seriously.. Honesty is best.
So now as for this articles follow up.. When the women meet these "fake" men and find out they are not compatible, then would they wish they would have not wasted time and life on not talking to someone and projecting their fanatsies on these men, or would it better just to come out and talked the men either moved on to another relationship or stay with it?
I think that this phenomena is as old as the ages and that it is probably a response that is programmed by evolutionary forces. Harder to get likely equates to more dominant and more "alpha" male type behavior. From an evolutionary point of view these types of men might be better mates. Just a thought! I personally prefer honesty from the start. If it doesn't work - nothing of value is lost. If it works - it can be magic!
Immaturity, and insecurity on both sides; psyched up by media frivolity. No thanks - let the superficial ones chase each other into Divorce Court.
Life is too short to do it with anything other than, low keyed, honesty.
Just wanted to congratulate Glaird...32 years and counting is awesome. Best wishes to you both.
Tiring. (The subject of this article.) I just wish there was an easier way to find a gal and get in a relationship. Games are a big turn off. When I was younger I had this idea about "soul mates" (not literally). Now I just want to be in love and in a relationship. I've been in a couple long term ones (1 year, 4 years), and those were the happiest times of my life.
I have never, and will never, play games. If I like you, I'll tell you. (I wish I'd had the nerve to do that in high school and college.) If you want to do something else (with someone else), well, you will be. I do hope it works out.
Who has time for games? If you play hard to get, I will assume you're not interested in me and I won't bother. I am not saying you should appear desperate, but a slight interest, even if it's just an interest in having someone to chat with at the bar for the night is reasonable and gives the hint that the person doesn't find you to be a hideous monster or a total bore.
The only relationships that I've had get off the ground were the ones that didn't involve these games. What gets me is, if the man is most often the initiator, how in the world are you supposed to express interest...without expressing interest? I've done that plenty and it gets me nowhere.
Anyone who studies research methods and statistics can tell you 47 Facebook profiles are not indicative of the general population and this study is thus inaccurate. That said, be careful to those guys dumb enough to take this sort of advice - if you play hard to get, don't be surprised when a woman finds someone else who can actually pay attention and give her the love and respect she deserves. Playing games is immature and will leave you alone in the end. If you like someone, let them know.
My scientific study shows that most women look like sisters when there naked and have there feet in the air.
That is my story and i am sticking too it.
I'd like to think that most men wouldn't do that sort of thing with their sisters.
Kankennon
He didn't say anything about his sisters. He merely said that all women in that position look like sisters............He's Right!
Newsflash....women are neurotic. Who knew?
Dang. I'd love to have been the cool guy who stood in the corner, serene in my confidence that each chick in the room wanted me just 'cause I didn't want her.
Problem is, when I'm intrigued I can no more fake disinterest than fly. I've been married 26 years to a women whose personality and humor and attitude and looks rocked my world then and still do. And to this day when she walks through the room I can't feign aloofness ... when I'm smitten, it shows.
Would someone please tell me why it is that (with a few exceptions, I'm sure) the nicer you are to a woman you meet/are interested in/involved with/dating,etc.... the less respect she has for you........this is probably one of the main driving forces that leads to the game playing.......You will lose her to the guy that isn't all that interested in her and won't fix her car or make her the center of his attention.