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Subscribe to RSSIf you're a lady who just got dumped -- cheer up. It'll win you some points with your next boyfriend, suggests a recent study published in the journal Evolutionary Psychology.
Learning that a woman kicked her last guy to the curb seemed to make men nervous, the study suggests. But women preferred it when the guy was the one to break up his previous relationship.
The study's lead author, Christine Stanik, speculates that "a man’s willingness to end an ongoing relationship in hopes of finding someone better might be interpreted by women as a sign of status." Stanik received her Ph.D. in 2009 from the University of Michigan, where she conducted the research, and she's currently a post-doctoral researcher at Penn State University
In the study, participants logged on to a fictional online dating site, browsed through fake profiles and ranked how much they'd like to date the (fake) person. After slogging through bunch of trivial information (such as favorite ice cream and favorite color), they reached the kicker: "My last relationship ended because ..." Each of the profiles showed one of three answers: either the person was the dumper, got dumped themselves or chose not to respond to the question. The report drew its research from 198 participants, 102 women and 96 men, whose average age was about 19. Most of the participants -- 75 percent -- were white, and all were heterosexual.
"The sex difference is that women found a man more attractive after learning he had dumped his last partner; however, men found a woman less attractive after finding out the same information," Stanik says. (And sneakiness doesn't help matters: Refusing to answer the question lost points, too.)
"A man taking a dominant role in his romantic relationships may also be seen as more consistent with traditional gender roles," she continues. "A dominant woman may be less acceptable for this reason, or men may just view her as picky or demanding."
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Men may also like women who have been dumped because then, compared to the last guy, we look golden. We can't lose.
Oh Dear....Brad tell me you aren't on the "market"???? hahaha...j/k
"Studies suggest"... you know, I could start out saying that earthworms eat dirt and say "studies suggest"...
Women who get dumped are desperate to feel loved, and assure themselves that they are worthy of being loved. This tends to make them a little more desperate. It's not so true with men because men do the same with their jobs. If they get fired, they feel a need to prove that they can do the job as well as anyone else, and are worthy of employment.
And any man who would take advantage of a woman who got dumped because of her need to feel loved, and worthy of love, is a pig and needs to just back off. She's already wounded enough without you taking advantage of her.
"Studies suggest"... you know, I could start out saying that earthworms eat dirt and say "studies suggest"...
Women who get dumped are desperate to feel loved, and assure themselves that they are worthy of being loved. This tends to make them a little more desperate. It's not so true with men because men do the same with their jobs. If they get fired, they feel a need to prove that they can do the job as well as anyone else, and are worthy of employment.
And any man who would take advantage of a woman who got dumped because of her need to feel loved, and worthy of love, is a pig and needs to just back off. She's already wounded enough without you taking advantage of her.
Levi777 - Are you single? haha! Yes, I just got dumped (sigh)
Jules, sorry hon, I'm not, and I'll wager old enough to be your dad. But please hear me...take some time for yourself. I know there's a whole range of emotions that come with such an event in a woman's life. It's good advice to take a year off from the dating thing, figure out what happened, who you are, and how you can grow. It takes 2 wholes to make a relationship, if it's to have a prayer of surviving.
Also, Jules, please know this; I know we've all heard that God gave Adam a helper, and it was Eve. The darkness in this world has interpreted that to mean that the woman helps man be man, and cooks and cleans, and does what he says. That is as much wrong thinking on the part of man as it is on the part of women to believe it. Women have the nesting instinct from which they are designed to receive satisfaction. Healthy women take joy in the knowledge that their family is well fed, and adequately clothed, and have a comfortable home, and she involves herself in these things without a second thought. Women are also gifted with an innate understanding of interpersonal relationships. Men are not. Men are the hunter/gatherer/soldiers, and our gifting is to provide for the family unit. That doesn't involve a lot of relationship skills, but rather singular focus, acute attention to detail, and is why the man can bury himself in a newspaper, and the wife trying to talk to him gets an "uh huh". He cannot actually respond appropriately until he puts down the paper. Women can keep reading and answer a question, which is why they make such excellent secretaries. They can answer 12 phone lines at a time while doing the company books.
But this thing about interpersonal relationships, it is God's design that man learn how to do them from the women in his life. They don't have to teach anything, just be who they are. And the wise man learns it from his wife.
And I am so amazed at the nature of God that would create such a dynamic. If man is to be held up to honor, so is the woman as much, for beyond the physical act of childbirth, she is as crucial to the development of humanity as is the man. And that is the way God made it to be.
So take some time, Jules. Let your heart heal. There are good men out there wondering where the good women are. Focus on growing and healing, and he will come along. I promise!
Levi777 - that is one of the most eloquent answers I have ever heard or read and it sounds just like my parents marriage. Hopefully I will be so lucky to meet a great guy who I can bring 100% and he will bring his 100%. Till then....
Thank you wegotgamed...God bless you, and my hope is that all daughters of men find a man who will treasure them for the great gift they are, and that all daughters of men will walk in the beauty wherein they were created, that inner heart that is precious to God. When he comes along, wegotgamed, walk with God before your husband, and God will see to it that he learns.
Does putting out a silly survey get you a PHD? If so I'm in.
Levi777- I'm glad people with such antiquated, ridiculous, and stupid ideas such as yourself are all dying. "Daughters of men"? If anything, you should say "Daughters of women and men" or just 'women' you stupid piece of bible-thumping trash. If Adam and Eve existed, Eve was not a helper, she was greater than Adam himself. She sought knowledge. Women have "the nesting instinct"? Women are not tittering birds! Keep your idiotic old ideas to yourself, please.
Seems like this study is just a scientific rehash of "catching somebody on the rebound."
I was wondering who would attack Levi. While I agree with his (biblically based) answer, I felt it was thin ice given the popularity of feminist and wiccan ideas. But I think Brad said it best (in a humorous way); to a broken woman, we are the hero for picking her up. And I'll disagree with Levi on this point, picking up a broken woman is not always a matter of "taking advantage."
In fact, it may be that the "right" guy has been waiting on the sidelines all the while the girl is courting the wrong type of guy. When they fail her (as they most usually do), the right guy can be the one who picks her up as a friend and potentially becomes something more.
I'm speaking from a man's perspective and do not intend to imply that women need fixing by a man - but rather that some of us guys are actually good friends (helping to soothe a broken heart) as well as good lovers.
ok, just had to ask: "wiccan"?? And you liken Wiccan's to feminists?? (you don't actually believe women who advocate equality are witches now do you??)
Lort Smith.....
HELL YEA!!!!!
Wow, what an incredibly shallow and sexist answer Levi...I am disgusted that wegotgamed think's it's eloquent, it's disgusting.
How is Levi's post sexist? He said that some men treat women as though they are lesser than themselves and that it is wrong to think that way. He also says that a wise man learns from his wife, and that a woman can tackle many tasks at once, whereas a man cannot. Did anyone ACTUALLY READ the man's post, or did one very negative person read it wrong and start a domino effect? LOL.. If you read through, you'll probably agree with the domino effect theory on that one ;)
No AJ, I read it, it is a very carefully worded sexist diatribe. if you can't see it, then you have issues as well.
I read Levi's piece (re-read it, actually) and did not find it to be sexist. Just as any in-depth discussion, it has pros and cons. If we concentrate only on one negative aspect of a discussion, we might just conclude that the arguments expressed were all negative. I just ended a relationship in which I brought about the divorce proceedings and I don't feel superior (or better) for having done so. The reasons could vary from one end of the expectrum to another but in the end both men and women suffer in a break-up. I would not take advantage of a woman that has just been dumped because (do unto others...) I would not want it done to me.
To the women (and men) who are in a vulnerable position: value yourselves and give yourself time for the right man (or woman) to come along. This will happen (have faith) because there are plenty of good men (and women) out there. To the "dumpers" (I hate to even think that some people would call me that without knowing the particulars) think carefully before you end a relationship. What awaits you out there could be much worse than what you had. Everyone in general: work on solving the problem, not cutting off and running.
If you are looking for negatives in a positive post, you have a problem. None of what was stated was meant to demean or lessen any woman. But I imagine if you look for negative in anything it can be found.
you are right..
I believe in this study... I have a reason not to comment on it right now.
It's true. Back in college I was in a relationship and just wasn't quite sure about it. I decided to break up with her. I realized she was the right one. Luckily I got her back.
Yesterday we celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary.
Awwwwww.
Men know women who've been dumped have low self-esteem and can be manipulated. Women know men who have been dumped have something wrong with them.
Yea, that's what I was thinking as well. I might add that, frankly, this is only true if the female is physically attractive. If she's not, then in the mind of the male she's ugly AND potentially crazy. Hot + crazy = interesting.
Chicks like dudes with boatloads of chest hair. I've been fertilizing mine for years....its the densest thicket this side of the Black Forest.
ewe!
ick
Yeah....its tough, especially in summer when its gets all greasy...
winter is better...
Its 20F outside and I don't even need a shirt on!
hahahahahahahaha
Ewe is right, time to shear him...may be able to make a nice pair of mittens with the results.
bugada - ROFL!
A little is fine, a "dense thicket"? , not so much...On the other hand, if he's a great guy, who cares?
I'm a Guy and I Like Hairy Men too!! Studies have shown that there's LOTS of Us!! I Especially find Rob and IronicTonic INTEREStIng!! Let's Talk LumberJacks!!!
Rob-2470805
Chicks like dudes with boatloads of chest hair. I've been fertilizing mine for years....its the densest thicket this side of the Black Forest.
#27 - Wed Jan 12, 2011 8:44 PM EST
Ugh!!! Er, I mean, ah well, at least it isn't a thick carpet of back hair or dredlocks sprouting out of your ears. At least I hope not.
Your real life nickname isn't Sasquatch by any chance is it?
EWWW!
these psychology studies are improving our lives incrementally. i always quote a romantic study when introducing myself to ladies. i ask them to fill out a questionnaire at the mall and i give them a certificate for free merchandise.
Good point! I will anxiously await the next incremental improvement in my life!
oh ya wow!!!which mall are you at? Really I suppose you could get to know someone if you were actually invited to the "free" merchandise counter.Seriously though sounds like your out for just one thing and I'm sure once those "ladies" get their "free merchandise" they are out the door.And fast. And a questionnaire? Please nowadays no one is going to give out their "real" info?.....?????? Just dont understand that approach, I'd be running the other way looking for mace. ha ha .
I like women who have realistic expectations and those seem to be the ones who know what it means to have loved and lost. I have evolved past the "man" period and need to have a companion/partner not a trophy or a maintenance item. Pessimistic, maybe...
Yup and "Bluetooth" artificially intelligent computers replaced "THE PSYCHO, BABY-MAKER"! No more whinning 'bout Monthly visitor or Money, just a simple "OFF" switch and it can really Multi-task, not just talk and talk and talk. That's SEXUAL EQUALITY! (There, I said the obvious.) Have a nice day.
I like what you say.For sure that is how I feel. Yup,done with games just seeking truth.Whatever how little truth may be feeling secure loved, lost dumped, dumpee,dumper who the hell cares lets get to reality and look at what is really going on.And move on positive,and peaceful.
So, if I dump my girl friend, she is then going to find me more attractive (because I dumped my last girlfriend) and at the same time I'm going to find her more attractive (because she got dumped by her last boyfriend).
I think we've discovered a cure for divorce.
touche
No please, NO, I just filed!!!
I admit it makes me nervous when I find out a guy got dumped. I'm sure it's unfair but I can't help it. It makes me wonder why.
But I guess now I know I am REALLY unattractive because I've been the one to end all my relationships. LOL
Men are really turned off by demanding women. There are alot of girls who expect everything and give nothing. Once burned twice shy as they say.
On the contrary. Most of my single male friends keep chasing women that abuse them. Those women seem to think that the privilege of dating them is reward enough for any guy. It's not that those women are more attractive. The only difference I can see is that they're evil on wheels rather than just merely pretty with a nice body.
The average age of this study was 19. There were only 200...so it's really interesting if you are 19, white, and on campus?
What a brutal study..... Ladies... Im single, Live in Canada, have a good job and I promise to dump you if we dont work out. Message me if your interested. HA!
Were you dumped from your last relationship? j/k! LOL
the vons....................how old are ya..........am I interested in being dumped? I guess there's a first time for everything............are you ready? LMAO
More ready than ever.. 26. Lets try this!
guys like women who have been dumped...
... until they learn why...
just sayin'
Good point and it goes both ways.......
This shows just how much genetics influence thought. Regarding a relationship with a person who has disposed of a previous relationship as a self-esteem booster seems a bit sick, and looking for wounded birds to nurse to health seems to be odd as well. I guess sexual politics will remain just that...politics.
How do we know it's genetic? This could all be the result of socialization.
Let's all make really generalized statements from a small-scale study of young, white heterosexuals from a small geographical area! There's no possible way we could miss!
You know what these kind of studies are usually called from an applications standpoint? Worthless.
This is clearly not a comprehensive study that is capable of evaluating factors like culture (local, national, racial, age, etc.), or relationships that develop over time which almost certainly influence the outcome. Howabout we take it at face value instead of trying to apply it to society at large? Your personal experience does not a convincing case make. C'mon guys.
LOL, you were hoping to find something from an "applications standpoint"? As in, knowing when a woman is often most emotionally vulnerable?
I just love being the clean up guy after a woman re-enter the selection process. They tell me all of the last guy's faults, then I retool my game to suit her taste. I'm just saying. The more insight she gives me help me accomplish my kill tactics. "Always quit a woman before Thanksgiving, (advoiding holiday parties with a female tag-a-long), then find a heart broken soul a month after Valentine's Day." Probably will pick up a nice vacation to Bermuda on her company's tab.
"Please don't hate the player; hate the game." I am still in the first quarter waiting to be put back into play by a sweet thang after February. And if there's a state fair; prom; blue ribbon queen, (Ms America type), I have an application for you to complete. You will be brought in as a temp first, then if I like the way you sqeeze the tooth paste (from the bottom or the center), then there's a chance to move up to part-time. (lol)
NOTICE THOUGH: If you are not in the listed form, move on down the road to the truck stop. Because they (the truckers), will make it work.
SIZE: 2 thru 9 HGHT: 5'4" thru 5'9" WGHT: 115 lbs. thru 149 lbs. (BASED ON HEIGHT THOUGH).
Must have curves and some A$$ET. Beautiful face, no children (small or adult). AGE: 31 thru 49
Own your own hair that Mr. or Mrs. GOD gave you at birth. Prefer mid or long lnth; along with teeth.
Absolutely Perfect!! : )... love this!!
guys like ladies that have been dumped because they like to fix broken stuff. Seen it for years.
Meredith Willson's famous musical "The Music Man" featured fast-talking swindler Harold Hill (played by Robert Preston in the movie version) only interested in finding a "Sadder But Wiser Girl"...that is, one who knows love and loss and won't play the coy games a more coquettish 'player' type of heterosexual woman would.
The article title and subject instantly reminded me of the musical number of the same name ("The Sadder but Wiser Girl for Me"...)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PujvRmxvtao
No way, dude! A lot of women like a bare-chested man — clean and smooth!!
I hate chest hair on men. Gross!
Teenage boys are more your style.
I hear you , it's disgusting.
"Guys like women who've been dumped, study suggests"
actually the study doesn't seem to support this assertion -- rather, the study suggests that guys don't like women who have dumped a guy. two different things...
But what's the alternative? Either you've been the dumper or the dumpee (or else you've never been in a relationship). What other variables could one control for in such a "study"?
I don't want to hear anything about past relationships. Dumped, dumper. Conversations regarding either send up BIG-ASSED RED FLAGS to me. Far more preferable is the woman who is discreet and in control of her SELF. That's the sort of relationship I consider healthy.
whydoireadthiscrap- I agree with you wholeheartedly. On occasion my girlfriend will bring up some past relationships(it sometimes almost seems like she goes out of her way to do so) and it always bothers me and turns me off. I prefer to look past it though because, honestly, in every other way I think she's perfect for me. Everyone has faults and weaknesses, I suppose.
So true!!! I dont want to discuss my past relationship. Nor doI want to hear about his!!!!
The quote from Stanik: "The sex difference is that women found a man more attractive after learning he had dumped his last partner; however, men found a woman less attractive after finding out the same information," seems to contradict the headline, which claims that men find women more attractive if their partners have dumped them. Did anyone else notice this? (Melissa, did you write that headline?)
The only reason "men find it more attractive," that a woman has dumped her last man is because it gives security that she is not "Thinking," of that last relationship, and dam vice versa, hello people if I dumped my last boyfriend it is going to bring some sense of security for my "new,"guy and if he "tells," me he dumped her than I'm gonna be feeling pretty good about it from the get go. Give me a fricken break already this is one of the oldest tricks in the book!!! BOOHOO WHAAWHAA!!!Cry me a river!!!I dont FRicken care who dumped who already!!!!!
"The sex difference is that women found a man more attractive after learning he had dumped his last partner; however, men found a woman less attractive after finding out the same information," Stanik says. That seems to contradict the headline. Did anyone else notice this? Melissa: did you write the headline?
Actually consider this: if the man broke off the relationship it suggests he has strength and willpower, that he doesn't go for every willing woman, nor stay with the wrong woman in order to get laid while searching for a better woman so he can get laid. Unless of course he's lying already...
Not to say the women are innocent bystanders in ANY sense of the word. Just sayin'.
OH, yes and to the furry man - eeeeeeew. Get waxed, you will get more dates. Trust us.
Rib,
You are wrong!!! Women like bald men with oodles of dark thick hair on their back and down across their butt. They just love to run their hands in it and pull it while making love. They are especially attracted to bald on the top guys with a huge comb over because it looks so sexy when the wind blows it up into that Eiffel Tower look reminding them of Paris in the fall. If I were you, I would transplant that hair to my back. You will score big!!!
I'm a Guy and I Like Hairy Men too!! Studies have shown that there's LOTS of Us!! I Especially find Rob and IronicTonic INTEREStIng!! Let's Talk LumberJacks!!!
Rob-2470805
Chicks like dudes with boatloads of chest hair. I've been fertilizing mine for years....its the densest thicket this side of the Black Forest.
#27 - Wed Jan 12, 2011 8:44 PM EST
Guys you must remember "no matter how good she looks, there is someone, somewhere, that is tired of putting up with her crap"
Am I crazy, or stupid, or just had too much sake before reading this but...ummm...
The headline tells me that guys like women who have been dumped. Two sentences into the article, it switches to explain why women like men who have dumped other women?
What? Who? Where's the connection between the headline and the text? Am I missing something?
Did anybody edit this article?
Obviously no one edited it. The headline has no connection with the article OR the study the article was based on, which actually contradicts the headline. It's just wishful thinking.