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Subscribe to RSSYou know how, when you’re sleeping, and you get that sexy feeling, you wake up and nudge the other person in your bed for a wee-hour encounter?
Well, what if you weren’t actually awake?
A study released today at the Associated Professional Sleep Societies annual meeting in San Antonio, Texas, found that 7.6 percent of patients seeking help at a sleep clinic “reported that they had initiated or engaged in sexual activity with a bed partner while asleep.”
That may seem impossible -- how can you have sex when you’re asleep? But so-called “sexsomnia,” one of many parasomnias -- like sleep walking, say, or reciting your old college dissertation -- is real.
“Sexsomnia” was coined by some clever Canadian experts in 2003, but as detailed by psychiatrist Joel Dimsdale in an essay for the Journal of Clinical Sleep Medicine, Shakespeare described it in “Othello.”
Modern day studies have documented people masturbating, groaning and dirty talking while sound asleep.
While 7.6 percent may seem high, remember that these were people who were already going to a sleep clinic. The number among the rest of us is almost certainly smaller and most people who experience it likely have something else going on, especially sleep apnea. In the new study, which included a survey of 428 men and 404 women, people who reported sexsomnia were also about twice as likely to be using illicit drugs.
The main issue, explained Dr. Alex Dimitriu, a fellow at the Stanford Sleep Medicine Clinic in Redwood City, Calif., is unstable, disturbed sleep. “Normally in a dream state your body is paralyzed,” he said. “That prevents us from acting out, say, the fight scene.” But, in some people, this protective mechanism breaks down and “then there is the possibility of acting out the sexual content of an erotic dream.”
The idea might seem funny -- and in one 2007 journal report, a few bed partners of sexsomniacs said they actually liked it -- but consequences can be serious. Sexual assaults have been committed by sexsomniacs. In a recent case from the United Kingdom, a teen boy was brought up on charges of infecting a teenage girl with Chlamydia and genital warts during sex. He was acquitted because he’d been sleepwalking.
What's the weirdest thing you've ever done in your sleep? Share it in the comment field below.
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It's weird, but innocuous.
I'll raise my arms straight up and rub one with the opposite hand. Usually the tickly feeling wakes me up and I'll catch myself with arms up in the air.
My husband does the exact same thing!! Cracks me up! It doesn't wake him up though...sometimes he can hold his arm up for awhile before it starts slowly falling back down.
I suffer from sexsomnia. Well I should not say suffer : ) Most of the time I will wake up before my wife and I are over but two nights ago was the first time I slept all the way through it.
I used to wake up in the middle of the night and realize that I was having sex with my wife. I haven't done it in many years now and I kind of miss it because it was some of the most passionate love making I have ever experienced!
Some of the best sex I've ever had was through this experience. There's nothing like mutually waking up & discovering that both you & your lover want to engage in coitus maximus.
This can't be great for the relationship. " Oh come on! I just want a little attention." " you had a little last night". " what do you mean you don't remember sex with me"? It would seem to me that much physical contact would wake the person(s).
It won't wake you if you are having the same kind of dream, or maybe the act prompts the same kind of dream...I say this..I hate to admit..from experience, with a partner whom thought I was awake the whole time. However I was not...great dream though =)
That has actually happened to me. And I was traumatized by it. I've been assaulted in my life alot and had just gotten over being attacked a month prior so it did not help me out any when my boyfriend did it. I cried myself to sleep and we don't even have sex anymore...I feel like my boyfriend raped me to be honest.
I hope Miss Echorose is getting sometime of help. There is a lot more going on here. My husband use to do this. At first it was a little shocking and I thought he was fibbing about being asleep. But I found That I was more relaxed and more apt to totally enjoy the experience.
That much (good) physical contact may not wake me up. But my wife yelling at me and pushing me away certainly wakes me up only to hear her scream 'get off of me'. Bad ending to a good dream!!
Use to happen to me a lot but not recently, I would wake up on top of my wife having sex with her at 2/3 AM in the morning. She of course loves it. I would be unlike myself, more like a wild man.
Just the other night the husband and I fell asleep, and I awoke to him prodding & nudging me. It was only later he admitted to awaking up half way through our 'wee-hour encounter' realizing that he was in the middle of something. It's not the first time it's happened in our relationship, and I doubt it'll be the last.
It's spontaneous-sex. =)
I guess im a sexsomania , since I grope and attempt to have sex in my sleep with my wife . Although she likes it she thinks it's very strange. I awake half way through and continue but she says Im more agressive than when im concious . I don't do drugs and only drink alcohol once in a while .
My partner and I are both clinical sex addicts. Neither of us do drugs and as he is a salesman for a beer company there is a regular beer a night policy but, by no means are either of us heavy drinkers. Late night nudges and acts of sex from either of us are just the way it is. I don't always remember and neither does he but, if he starts it I can say that I too can sense the difference in how he preforms when awake or just a sleepy encounter. I never thought to ask if it was different with me. I guess it makes you wonder what other fantacies may exsist in our dreamworlds that only act out while we sleep.
Many times (doz or so) in my 30's & 40's I awoke engaging in intercourse with my wife. Only once in my late 50's did this occur. Actually, it was quite sexy and exhilirating, although I have to confess that on several occasions I didn't realize that it was my wife that I was making love with until several minutes into the session. Unbelievably, I never asked her if she had performed any foreplay on me while I was in a deep sleep to cause this reaction. As I reflect upon this, I must admit that it was wonderfully fulfilling sex and something I would look forward too now that I am in my mid sixties. What also seems very unusual, is the fact that throughout my teens and young adulthood, I can only recall having what is termed "a wet dream" on two or three occasions, and my reaction to those were embarassment rather than the fulfillment that "sexsomniacs" had brought to me. So, is "sexomniacs" real, by my accounts the answer is a very firm and educated YES. I would like viewpoints from others who have experienced this phenomonen. Thanks!
My first orgasmic experience was in a dream. I didnt know that orgasm was actually real until I had sex once with this guy and it happened. I thought I was dying because the only other time I had experienced orgasm was in my dreams.
I was learning the art of boxing and had a dream i was taking on a bully in defence of my intimidated friends. A sharp cry from my dorm prefect woke me up, and I discovered I was all bunched in a boxing stance, ready to pounce.
As much as my wife loves me and sex, I don't dare wake her up for a wee hour encounter. It would be a definite 'No' and a brow beating in the morning.
Many times I have been woke up by my wife's giggle to find myself making love in my sleep with her, always hilarious and good
I homeschool my son and I tried in vain one day to teach him circumference and the value of (pi) in mathematics. He was about 11 or 12 and he couldn't understand it or remember the exact value of (pi) for anything. That night he walked out into the hallway and said the entire theory with a perfect explanation to me and walked back to bed. He was sound asleep! The next morning he didn't remember a thing. But he understood circumference and (pi) clearly after that. Go figure.
In my college days I used to keep a clipboard by my bed because I used to go to bed thinking about difficult mathematical problems and would wake up in the night and completely solve differential equation problems. Curiously I would wake up in the morning not knowing exactly how I could suddenly solve problems that I couldn't otherwise crack while being fully awake and conscious. An explanation I got was that dreams are sometimes extensions of our conscius thought. I believe that because I deliberately exploited by thinking about difficult problems before going to bed and somehow magically resolving them while supposedly asleep.
It shows how little we know about how complex we humans are.
Thus the phrase, "Let me sleep on it." was invented...
..."I'll give you an answer in the morning."
stop right there!!!
When I was in nursing school at college, the night before a test I would study and read my notes over and over to try and memorize them for the test. Then I would go to bed at a decent hour since I was usually well prepared, never really having to have a late night cram session like my roommates all did. I would wake up dreaming the notes and would have the hard stuff perfectly memorized! I made straight A's throughout nursing school & was even accepted into the honor Society but for some reason I was always pissed off that even my sleep was being invaded by nursing school. I thought surely I should be able to spend my sleep as I wanted. If I wanted to study some more I'd of stayed up later! I'm not complaining though...
Skipping the above post...
"...before we go any further, do you love me?"
"Baby, baby, let me sleep on it! Lemme sleep on it, I'll give you an answer in the mornin'!"
I haven't heard that song in forever. Or any Meatloaf, really. I have a feeling I'm going home and cranking my stereo to the breaking point.
this happens to me frequently.. ive never been a normal sleeper. even in childhood i would sleepwalk and any thing i was having trouble understanding i could count on being able to comprehend in the morning. i love it when i wake up and hubby and i are in the middle of things... i think its better that way because he tends to cuddle me more instead of feeling energized and ready to run a marathon LOL. also, i have never done drugs and havent had a drink in over 10 years.
I have experienced this about 4 or five times in my life. Each time it happened I awoke while I was in the middle of doing it. Both my wife and I would say what are you doing as we were both asleep, I dont understand why I dont wake up because usually I am a very light sleeper. If someone just touches the door handle I wake up. It is also the most intense and fulfulling love making ever for both of us. Another curious part of this is that each time this happened, my wife got pregnant.......I have five children,
It sounds like 7.6% may be a low number of people who experience the phenom. It's just that only a limited number of folks see this as a problem. It seems (to me anyway) more of just a fun quirk.
Never anything sexual, but it proves the power of the subconcious! In my teenage years, I once tried to put a horse bridle on my dog (lived on a ranch) in the middle of the night, once picked up some pots and pans to go deer hunting (cook 'em first then kill 'em) glad I wasn't getting a gun. Then in my 30's i was stressed and at a business meting we all went out drinking. I went to the hotel with my wife, we closed the bedroom door, it was a suite. I dreamed I was being attacked by a giant green monster, I had no place to run, I jumped up and attacked it hitting the doors with the palms of my hands, I turned around, grabbed the sheets including the bottom sheet, and pulled them off the bed. Wife was under the sheets and on top of the bottome sheet and I left her on the mattress. Then I jumped on top of her and started choking her. Luckily, she woke me up somehow. But officer I was asleep......... Well, we laugh about it now! Sometimes I will swing my arms if I am in a dream fight. I now have her trained to hit the floor!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, once I did go up to the hunting cabin in my sleep and my underwear, luckily the hunters didn't get up or start shooting. I am so glad I don't do that anymore. Now I just wake up and can't go back to sleep.
Look into REM Sleep Behavior Disorder. That sounds more like what you may have. Being really tired and having a beer before bed can really set this disorder off.
LOL i woke up naked in the middle of an apartment complex ...... talk about mortifying!!
Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and i find myself stroking my boyfriend. When I wake up relizing what I am doing I just continue..I figure I am already awake might as well.
I wish my wife would do that. Of course I'd probably finish before she woke up then we'd have a mess.
I've done the same thing Jane - however, my husband I - although still living together due to money issues - were separated at the time... he didn't mind and then would wake me thinking I really did want sex with him.
Disappointed him quite a bit when I told him to get off me. I felt bad, but just didn't want anything to do with it... I apologized as I was sound asleep while doing this to him, but he just got mad anyway and stayed that way.
As far as I'm concerned, he should've known better as I was prone to do this throughout our marriage. He once even had sex with me and I never woke up at all. I didn't like that, unlike the rest of the people on here... guess I want to be aware of what's going on with my body at all times. Hard to do when you're sleeping.
After this last encounter, I started sleeping on the couch and we never had the problem again, obviously.
I really don't understand why people who are staying together for money reasons still sleep in the same bed. I know people do it, but that seems really odd to me...
maybe no where else to sleep? or fighting over who gets to keep the bed, or the marraige is over but the sex isnt?
Been there done that, My wife says it's like have a very different lover, says foreplay can last an hour before we move to the next phase. If she's not in the mood she just shakes me awake, If she is in the mood she enjoys the foreplay and wakes me just before the main act. It has lead to some wonderfully intense marital encounters for us....I guess it's just in how yourself and your partner handle it. The loss of sleep has been worth it in general.
Darktorch - why does she wake you "before the main act"? To stop you, or do you continue? Sounds like it would be more interesting if she just left you asleep during the whole thing to see how different it would be since she said foreplay is like having a different lover.
Not to diminish your skills, but a little change here and there in your sex life can be good...! I'm just curious why she wakes you up. If things were different because you're sleeping, I'd leave you there to continue on just to see what happens, then tell you about it in the morning.
She wakes me up so I'll remember it. At that point we always gofor the full ride.
this has happened to my boyfriend a few times. I will wake up to him grabbing my head and putting it down on him. Hey I dont mind, he usually wakes up in the middle or sometimes not at all. I'll ask him the next day, Hey do u remember last night or You did it again, and he'll be like oh yeah....LOL
we laugh about it.
For as long as I can remember; I wake up in the middle of the night having orgasms. It happens 2-4 times a month and it's the best safe sex ever.
bonnie, thank you for writing. i always kinda thought i was the only person with this experience...
i do not smoke nor drink, have never done 'recreational' drugs and am very healthy so rarely have ever needed any kind of prescription medication. i have just turned 58 years old.
i had a very active sex life in my 21 years of marriage. i date frequently but have chosen not to have sex until married again. about 2 years after my divorce, i began having orgasms in my sleep. this has been occurring for nearly 16 years now. most of the time they are a few (6-8) times a month; other times it could be as often as every night for a week or two at a time. it is always very intense. in my dreams the man is always faceless. i don't know who he is (doesn't seem like an actor, or anyone of whom i am aware in my life) but seems it is someone with whom i feel i am very much in love. you are right in the fact it is truly safe sex and i feel it is a great blessing in my life.
Yeah, I too have been awakened by a orgasms now and then. I often wondered if I had masturbated in my sleep or if it was the dream alone that did it!
This used to happen to me often...now only ever so often. I have thought about seeing a counselor about it but from reading all the tips here, I guess it's not unusual. I am a Christian and have often wondered if it is sinful or displeasing to God. My only concern is if it is sinful or not. Does anyone have any comments on the matter, answers, or whatever.
I have had this happen to me on numerous occasions over the years. I have never sleepwalked, that I am aware of, do not do "illicit drugs", or even drink alcohol but on special occasions. Yet there were many nights that I would awake to find myself in the middle of lovemaking with my partner in the "wee hours". I would find out in the morning, or next day that it had been I who had initiated the encounter, all while fully asleep. I do remember the erotic dreams that prompted the initiations, but was not aware that I was acting them out until I would awake to find myself in the middle of the encounter. I find it interesting to know that I am not the only one to whom this happens.
Just out of curiousity to all that have this same issue... do you get disappointed when you do wake up and realize it's not Brad Pitt you're making love to, but instead it's your husband?
I had that happen once during one of my sleeping and 'stroking' my husband nights... I woke up in the middle of it expecting to see someone else and saw my husband instead. Although we're divorced now, I did love him very much then, but was still disappointed when it turned out to be him and not my fantasy lover...
Shame on me - I know!
My husband does that. It was rather alarming at first but then after a few nights I figured out what was going on. He's more of a groper, though. It isn't very frequent, either--just a few times a month. I just have to make sure to stop him if it's a certain time of the month...
My husband has "REM Sleep Behavior Disorder" which allows you to act out your dreams. If the dream is sexual, this can happen.
I've woken up my boyfriend several times trying to initiate and I never even knew until he told me the next day. Its a problem when I sleep around other people because I've engaged in intercourse with friends without knowing until they told me later on. I never took it seriously until I realized that I had cheated without any idea. I think it'd still be rape but i'm not sure... Anyway, I have no memories of the incident and didn't even believe the guy when he told me until he pointed out some evidence.
Snapple - I'm assuming you're sleeping around with only friends... even though they're the opposite sex, and by sleeping, I mean "sleeping". However, what kind of friends are they if they allow this to happen knowing you have a boyfriend? Was safe sex used? I assume so by your comment of "pointing out some evidence".
What would happen should you accidentally get pregnant during one of these encounters, or worse? Out of curiosity, does your boyfriend know of these events, even though he knows you're prone to doing this sort of behavior? I'm wondering if maybe he doesn't already suspect it if he knows you're hanging out and sleeping with friends - if he indeed knows that part too.
As far as it being rape - you mean on your part, correct? Because you're the one who initiated it... just like in date rape, unless your partner says "NO", I don't think it's rape, unless they're drunk or have been taking or slipped drugs, or you otherwise took advantage of them somehow. What are you going to do, turn yourself in anyway??
I think they probably mean them being raped, probably because they were asleep, don't recall it, don't know how it was initiated, and the person probably was aware that they had a boyfriend. I think if you said you were asleep the whole time and there was the possibility you initiated it, it probably couldn't be considered rape. But it does seem like you should cut off all ties with anyone who would have sex with you when they would know you wouldn't want to.
Before I found out what really happened my friend told me I had only kissed him in my sleep and the first thing I did was tell my boyfriend. My friend who apparently had a crush thought it was odd, but didn't really mind because he thought I was awake. It was out of charachter of me and he felt really guilty about it because I don't think he noticed I was sleeping until later. But I don't sleep around other people anymore because I've learned my lesson. My boyfriend knew I would initiate when I was asleep but he never really told me so I had no idea it would happen. I'm still friends with the guy becasuse I think hes kinda of a victim too, but I don't really trust him anymore. Especially since he knows i've been serious with my boyfriend for 2 years.
My college boyfriend did this to me all the time....must have been all the pot.
I guess that happens a lot when the cap is open S-n-a-p-p-l-e.
I have/had this. With my wife it wasn't a big deal. I'd wake up in the middle of it, or wake up in the morning with only a vauge impression of what happened. She liked it because I was vulnerable to suggestion in this state (read, she got exactly what she wanted)
I once fondled someone I shouldn't have.
After separating, I've had two girlfriends that aren't as impressed with this condition, and I've more or less had it beaten out of me. It's probably happend twice in the last year. Used to be much more often.